April 12, 2018
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My three-year-old daughter has been diagnosed with autism, a fact that fills me with trepidation when considering whether to share it with others. She has put in tremendous effort to navigate her challenges, and I fear that revealing her diagnosis might complicate her experience.
Unlike typical portrayals of autism, she doesn’t exhibit many of the common traits associated with it. If I choose not to disclose her autism, perhaps you won’t recognize it. You may notice her speech is not always fluid or easy to comprehend, but a speech delay often goes unjudged.
Past experiences have taught me to be cautious. For instance, when I inquired about preschool spots, they suddenly became unavailable after I mentioned her diagnosis—even though I clarified that she requires no special accommodations and has no behavioral issues. If educators, who are meant to embrace diversity, can make judgments based on a label, how might you perceive her? Maybe, just maybe, if I keep it to myself, you will treat her like any other child.
Yet, there’s a part of me that longs to share this information. We moved here two years ago and have spent countless hours attending therapies, leaving little room for friendships. I want to explain that our limited availability for playdates is due to her therapy schedule. More importantly, I want to reshape your understanding of autism. So here it goes:
My daughter is a delightful, well-behaved child in her preschool class (thanks to the one school that welcomed her). She is intelligent, sweet, and kind-hearted. At three years old, she enjoys playing with other kids, is quite social, and loves to share. She even takes pleasure in cleaning up. She is one of the happiest children I know and rarely has meltdowns.
However, she is also a three-year-old who sometimes feels overwhelmed, like during the Easter egg hunt when she preferred being held over collecting eggs. She experiences distress with unexpected changes in routine, leading to physical symptoms such as diarrhea and sleepless nights. Her day must follow a strict schedule, with lunch before noon, a nap at 1:30 PM, and dinner by 5:30 PM. Additionally, she has a rare speech disorder called childhood apraxia of speech.
Despite her challenges, I still hesitate to disclose her condition. She has dedicated over twenty hours a week to therapy, working tirelessly to master skills that come easily to others. She has learned to express emotions, respond to her name, and communicate verbally.
With the help of dedicated instructors, she has become more comfortable with activities like finger painting, the sound of a hairdryer, and beach outings. She significantly benefits from socialization opportunities, whether in preschool or through playdates, and deserves to be seen without prejudice.
So, while I wish I could openly share that my daughter has autism, I choose to stay silent. After all, she is simply a three-year-old navigating her world.
Note: The author has opted for anonymity to protect her daughter from potential stigma. She writes to challenge misconceptions about autism and hopes to one day speak openly without jeopardizing her daughter’s future.
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In summary, the author grapples with the decision to disclose her daughter’s autism diagnosis, weighing the potential stigma against the desire to foster understanding. Her daughter is a bright, loving child who has worked incredibly hard to overcome obstacles. The author hopes to reshape perceptions of autism while ensuring her daughter is treated with the same kindness as any other child.