A few years ago, during a conversation with one of my college interns, I shared my struggles with sleep deprivation. My partner and I had just welcomed a newborn, resulting in sleepless nights filled with feeding, changing, and comforting our baby. The intern, a bright but childless 19-year-old, listened intently before suggesting, “Why don’t you just sleep when the baby sleeps?” Her expression was one of triumph, as if she had just solved a complex equation.
In that moment, I felt a surge of frustration. I wanted to express my disbelief at her suggestion, given her lack of real-life experience. I imagined how she would feel after a day of caring for a baby, her eyes heavy with fatigue, and then I would have a good laugh at her expense. I was exhausted, and it was clearly affecting my mood.
With bloodshot eyes and a deep sense of fatigue, I was acutely aware that my sleepless nights would likely continue for the foreseeable future. The relentless nature of parenthood often feels like a never-ending brain freeze, leaving one to wonder if restful sleep was a thing of the past.
I recalled how just days before, she had complained about feeling tired from oversleeping, seeking sympathy from me. I wanted to remind her of my reality—working full-time while managing household chores and two other energetic children. The tasks don’t magically disappear when the baby sleeps, and during those rare moments of quiet, my older kids demanded attention, whether it was for snacks or screen time. There were dishes to wash, laundry to fold, and bills to pay.
Even if the baby did manage to sleep, I often craved time alone—time to read a book, browse the internet, or simply enjoy a moment of peace. I wanted to convey all of this to her, but it was clear she had no grasp of the complexities involved in parenting. Most people unaware of these challenges often offer simplistic advice, thinking it’s a solution to the overwhelming exhaustion new parents face.
In a moment of clarity, I thanked her for her suggestion and assured her I would consider it, while I fought the urge to nod off in my chair.
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Summary
The advice to “sleep when the baby sleeps” often overlooks the realities of parenting. New parents face a myriad of responsibilities that don’t vanish during nap times, making it crucial to acknowledge the complexity of their situation. This perspective is essential for those offering guidance to new parents.