In families where financial resources are scarce, how do you decide what takes precedence once basic needs are met? Do kids always come first?
In our household, we live from paycheck to paycheck. We’ve made financial missteps in the past and are now working to correct them. Some weeks, we might treat ourselves to pizza on a Friday, while other weeks, we hope we have enough pet food to last until the next paycheck.
We don’t try to emulate others around us, well aware of our limitations. What we consider a special treat is often a regular occurrence for our children’s friends. We adhere to a strict budget and plan for unexpected expenses. As our children mature, they’ve started to understand that certain purchases must wait, and they also recognize the importance of contributing toward larger expenses. So, does that make me selfish for wanting to invest in my own interests?
Guilt often accompanies motherhood. No matter the choices made, there’s a sense of second-guessing. Bottle feeding? You know breast milk is the gold standard, right? Returning to work? I hope you found a trustworthy caregiver. Not opting for organic produce? You do realize that comes with pesticides, right?
With such daily judgments, it’s no wonder we often feel we’re falling short. When we perceive ourselves as failing at the bigger picture, we hesitate to deny our kids the smaller joys.
I don’t recall wanting for much during my childhood. Although my parents weren’t affluent, I never heard that we couldn’t afford something. I wish my children had the same sense of financial stability. I feel a pang of guilt for not being able to provide them the same luxuries that their peers enjoy, even though I know they have more than many others.
One of the toughest lessons I’ve learned as a mother is that it’s acceptable to prioritize myself at times. The age-old adages hold true—you can’t fill from an empty cup, you must secure your own oxygen mask first, and if mom isn’t happy, no one is. I genuinely believe that when I take care of my own needs, I can better care for my children.
However, finding time for myself is different from spending money. Taking an hour for a run doesn’t deprive my kids of anything, whereas spending our limited funds on my own indulgences, like registering for a race or getting a pedicure, may take away from what they might want to do.
My partner has no qualms about spending on things he desires. Is it just my nature that makes me hesitant to prioritize myself? Or is it a societal expectation that mothers should always put their families first?
I don’t aim to model selfish behavior for my children, but I also want to show them that mothers are individuals with needs too, and a harmonious family thrives when each member is content. Happiness isn’t solely reliant on wealth or material goods, yet one shouldn’t feel compelled to forgo personal pleasures.
I will never prioritize my desires over my children’s necessities, but I intend to ensure my own needs are included in the mix. It may not happen weekly or even monthly, but there will be occasions when my children’s wishes take a backseat so that I can also indulge.
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Summary
Balancing family needs and personal desires can be challenging, especially in financially constrained households. While it’s vital to care for children, mothers should also recognize the importance of self-prioritization for overall family well-being. Teaching kids that happiness comes from balance, not just material wealth, is essential.