As a parent with a background in psychology and education, I always envisioned having open dialogues about emotions and beliefs with my teenagers. However, the reality of having two teenage boys often leads to brief exchanges like this:
Me: “How was your day?”
Son: “Good.”
Me: “What did you do?”
Son: “Stuff.”
Despite my efforts—asking specific questions, chatting in the car, and trying to engage during walks—my son tends to keep his feelings locked away. While he is a bright, funny, and sensitive kid, this is a common issue among teenage boys. Many do not resort to harmful behaviors like violence, but they may turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with their emotions. So, what steps can we take to help boys open up about their feelings and equip them with essential social-emotional skills for healthy, fulfilling lives?
1. Challenge Gender Norms
The outdated belief that boys must be tough and stoic while avoiding vulnerability should be challenged. Over the past decade, significant progress has been made in empowering girls to embrace strength and bravery. However, for boys, the message remains that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. Instances where boys are called “sissies” for displaying feelings reinforce this harmful stereotype. As parents, we can help boys learn that vulnerability is a strength, not a flaw.
2. Model Vulnerability in Men
It’s crucial for boys to witness male role models—fathers, grandfathers, and other significant men in their lives—expressing their emotions openly. Seeing strong male figures who are not afraid to show vulnerability can help reshape their understanding of masculinity. Literature featuring vulnerable male characters can also be a valuable resource in this regard.
3. Foster Early Conversations About Emotions
From a young age, engage boys in discussions about their feelings and emotions. Provide them with the vocabulary to articulate their experiences, and validate both positive and negative emotions. Teach them healthy ways to express anger and frustration, such as hitting a pillow or taking a moment alone to breathe, instead of bottling those feelings up.
4. Normalize Seeking Help
Boys often receive messages that they must be self-reliant and not ask for assistance. Encourage them to seek help when needed, whether it’s for emotional support or practical challenges. Reinforce the idea that everyone, including adults, sometimes needs a helping hand.
5. Introduce Mindfulness Practices
Practicing mindfulness can equip boys with tools to navigate their emotions effectively. Mindfulness encourages a reflective approach to thoughts and feelings without judgment. Introduce mindfulness activities as a family, making it a regular part of your routine. There are numerous apps available, such as Calm and Headspace, that can facilitate this practice.
While our dinner table conversations may still yield brief responses like “good” about their day, we can take comfort in knowing that our efforts are laying the groundwork for deeper emotional understanding.
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In summary, changing the narrative around boys and emotions starts at home with open dialogue, role modeling, and teaching healthy emotional expression.