Recently, I decided to purchase a tankini online. With a vacation on the horizon for late May, I was eager for something fresh and bold.
The package arrived just yesterday, and my partner’s expression lit up with excitement. I had hoped the top would meet the high-waisted bottom, minimizing skin exposure. However, it was evident from my partner’s face that he wished for the opposite.
Upon opening the package, I quickly realized the top wouldn’t quite cover the bottom, but I tried it on anyway. I turned to face him.
“Don’t dismiss it until you see it in the mirror! I genuinely believe you’ll love it! It’s the most stunning swimsuit I’ve ever seen on you,” he encouraged.
I took a deep breath and stepped into our cluttered third bedroom, currently filled with unpacked boxes and home to my only full-length mirror.
As anticipated, several inches of my rounded belly were visible, along with a small, prominent scar peeking above the waistband. My C-section scar, unlike most, is situated higher than the bikini line. After a long labor with my first child, an incision was necessary, and the same occurred with my second. That purple, uneven line is a part of me I can’t hide.
But instead of feeling defeated, I snapped a quick mirror selfie and sent it to a couple of close friends with a confident message: “I’m keeping it.”
Stepping back into the room, I found my partner beaming with pride, and we both understood that this swimsuit was here to stay. Yet, despite the joy and anticipation I felt, I found myself questioning, “Shouldn’t I cover my stomach? What about my scar?”
“You mean the evidence of the beautiful children we have? Sarah, you deserve to bask in the sun just like everyone else,” he replied.
And I do. I deserve to experience the warmth of the sun on my skin, the refreshing ocean water against me, and wear clothing that keeps me comfortable during a hot Southern summer. I deserve to lounge on the beach, even if my body takes up more space than another’s. I deserve to sip fruity drinks at the pool bar and enjoy moments with my partner, no matter what my body looks like.
I deserve to set aside all negative thoughts about my appearance and truly embrace life because I am a person — not merely a collection of flaws. My partner understands every detail about my body, and wearing the swimsuit he loves is my way of showing that his opinion matters more than those of strangers.
He’s aware of my struggles with diets, workouts, and the countless midnight snacks we’ve shared while laughing over our favorite movies. He loves me for who I am, not merely because of my weight. I carry both my body and his love for me as undeniable truths.
Being loved by a wonderful partner enhances my happiness, but it does not define my worth. I would still deserve the joys of life — the sun, laughter, and freedom to simply exist — even if no one else appreciated my body.
At 33, I have spent too many summers trying to hide myself, hoping to convey that I am somehow unacceptable as I am. My swimsuits have all said, “Please don’t notice me. I know I’m too much, which means I’m not enough.”
No more. I refuse to let that continue.
I have many summers ahead, and I refuse to spend them in sweaty clothes and unflattering swimsuits. I am entitled to feel the sun on my skin, just like everyone else, and so are you, dear reader.
The time for hiding has passed. Join me in this celebration of body positivity. It’s going to be liberating.
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Summary
In this empowering piece, Sarah reflects on her journey toward body acceptance and the joy of embracing her physical self. She shares her experience of purchasing a swimsuit that reveals her C-section scars and how her partner’s love encourages her to celebrate her body. By rejecting societal pressures, she invites others to join her in feeling confident and worthy of joy, sun, and laughter.