When I reflect on my upbringing, I recall my mother often emphasizing that her marriage was her foremost priority. Unfortunately, her relationship was deeply troubled. My parents engaged in relentless arguments, often escalating into chaos and physical confrontations. My father’s rage would manifest in destructive outbursts, leaving my mother to pick up the pieces, and I frequently found myself in the role of the reluctant caretaker.
Despite the tumult, my mother remained convinced that prioritizing her marriage was for the good of my sister and me. She believed that staying “together for the kids” was beneficial, a notion that ultimately proved misguided. It took her until my mid-20s to leave my father, and while I can’t determine whether we were better off during her marriage to an abusive partner or if she might have faced similar challenges with someone else, I did learn one critical lesson: my children will always come first.
I could never tell my kids, “My marriage is more important than you.” The very thought is unfathomable. Their well-being takes precedence over my own needs, and I refuse to place any other relationship above theirs. Romantic love is inherently conditional, marred by imperfections. Life is unpredictable; situations and people evolve. While some partnerships thrive, others may falter, leading to resentment that can poison the relationship.
I consider myself fortunate to have escaped the cycle of abuse and to have built a loving relationship characterized by mutual respect and trust. However, should that love ever wane, I would never allow it to jeopardize my bond with my children. I wholeheartedly commit to nurturing my marriage, yet not at the expense of my children’s safety or emotional needs.
It’s not about choosing between marriage and children; many women strive to balance both without neglecting any loved ones. However, if you communicate to your kids that your marriage is your priority, they likely already sense it. Children deserve unwavering love and the assurance that their needs are paramount.
Does my partner deserve my affection and attention? Certainly. But he’s an adult who understands that our children’s early years are fleeting. He respects my past and the lessons I’ve learned, which is part of what binds us together.
My kids are the center of my universe. This doesn’t imply that I spoil them; instead, it means that I will prioritize their needs when it truly matters. I believe every parent should embrace this mindset. For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out this article on home insemination. If you’re interested in quality resources regarding home insemination, Cryobaby provides excellent products, and UCSF offers valuable information about fertility and insurance options.
In summary, my children’s needs will always take precedence over my marriage. While I strive to maintain a healthy partnership, their well-being remains my top priority. Every parent should adopt this approach to nurture their children effectively.