It’s often said that friendships require nurturing, much like plants. Without care, they wither away. But can a friendship thrive solely through text messages, especially when it’s always been this way?
I met my friend, Sarah, during a particularly challenging period in my life. At the same time, she was on the brink of a beautiful new chapter—expecting her first child and preparing for maternity leave. Coincidentally, my boss invited me to her baby shower, which I couldn’t attend due to a meeting. Nevertheless, I contributed to her gift, and Sarah kindly thanked me via email just before her departure. Although we had interacted briefly in the office over the years, we had never really connected until that moment. I was the office admin, and she was part of another team; we had exchanged a few emails, but that was it. In need of a friend, I shared my phone number with her, and she responded in kind.
That same evening, feeling isolated, I received my first text from her: “Hi! It was wonderful chatting with you today. I hope your day was good. I truly appreciated the gift; it made my farewell special.” Her message lifted my spirits, and we began a lengthy text conversation that lasted for hours. Soon, we were texting daily, with my phone becoming an extension of my hand, providing me companionship during tough times.
A few months after her daughter’s birth, she visited me at work. The visit was brief but meaningful. Through our texts, she supported me during my breakup and even introduced me to my now-husband. She guided me through home renovations before my house went on the market. I attended her daughter’s first birthday and celebrated her own birthday as well.
However, fast forward six years, and we still exchange texts daily without ever meeting in person. I’ve made numerous attempts to change this—suggesting BBQs, movie dates, and even casual walks. Yet, each time, something came up for her, and plans fell through. There was a six-month gap in our texting when I was pregnant, and I felt her absence acutely.
The tipping point came when, just three minutes before my baby shower, she texted, “I’m so sorry, I can’t make it!” At that moment, I was at a loss for words. I didn’t have the time to respond, nor did I understand why she would do that. I never received her gift nor any follow-up after the event, leaving me feeling neglected.
Shortly after my son was born, I received a text from her out of the blue. “Hi! I saw your Facebook photos of your son. He’s adorable! Congratulations; I hope all is well.” My heart softened, and before long, our texting resumed as if nothing had changed. When she announced her second pregnancy and invited me to her baby shower, I was eager to reconnect. But again, when I proposed a lunch meeting to catch up, she canceled last minute.
Why does this happen? Perhaps she experiences anxiety, or maybe unforeseen circumstances arise. Yet, I observe her engaging in social events and dining out with others. While motherhood keeps both of us busy, I’m not one to cancel plans on her like she consistently does to me.
Now, I’ve come to terms with the fact that our friendship may remain a texting-only affair. Although I don’t harbor any resentment, I’ve decided to stop putting effort into making plans, as I can’t accept last-minute cancellations anymore. Some of those events meant a lot to me, and I’ve realized it’s time for me to prioritize my own well-being.
I’ve nurtured this friendship, but now it’s her turn to take the next step if she wishes to keep it alive.
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Summary:
Navigating a friendship defined solely by texting can be challenging, especially when attempts to meet in person repeatedly fail. The author reflects on her connection with Sarah, who provided emotional support during tough times but consistently canceled plans to meet. Despite the daily communication, the author realizes it may be time to accept a texting-only relationship, prioritizing her own emotional well-being.