“Mom, I wish I could be you!”
My 4-year-old often expresses this sentiment, gazing at me with admiration. It usually comes when she admires my shoes, my nail polish, or my sparkly jewelry, and I can’t help but feel flattered. Yet, beneath that sweetness lies a heavy feeling. What she doesn’t realize is that my greatest wish is to embody her spirit.
She is tenacious and bold, refusing to accept no for an answer. These characteristics will undoubtedly serve her well in life, but they make parenting her a daily adventure. She stands firm against anyone who tries to diminish her worth or tell her she isn’t capable. Her confidence shines; she sings loudly on the train, eager to share her knowledge of every lyric. She is perceptive, smart, and processes the world around her with keen observation.
I watch her imitate my words and actions, whether it’s how I speak, interact with her brother, or even the way I stroke her cheek. She yearns for a handbag that resembles mine and wants to push her toy stroller just like I do. It tugs at my heartstrings because I don’t want her to mirror me. Yes, I might command attention at times, and I do have some fabulous shoes, but I feel like I’ve lost my own spark and fearlessness. I often find myself weighed down by worry, fatigue, and lingering resentments. I’ve compromised on my career and relationships, settling for less than I deserve.
I wish I had the audacity to stand up for myself like she does. I can’t help but wonder if I would have chased after the older kids who took my ball, rather than standing there crying as she did. She is powerful and spirited, finding joy in the simplest things.
Perhaps I was once like her; it’s hard to remember now. This little girl, who refuses to wear pajamas and believes she’s one of her teachers, is my inspiration. She taught herself to count to 100 just to prove her brother wrong, and she listens to her body when it tells her she’s full. I aspire to become more like her every day.
I hope she maintains this fierce determination as she navigates life’s challenges, whether it’s dealing with mean peers, facing tough tests, or tackling new experiences. I want her to always recognize her self-worth, even when the world tests her.
Bedtime can be a drawn-out negotiation filled with stickers, books, cups of water, and endless stuffed animals, but I believe she’s destined to make a significant impact on the world.
Sweet girl, I truly wish I could be just like you.