Pregnancy was never on my agenda. I wasn’t one of those women who envisioned a life filled with a partner and a couple of kids. To me, “having it all” meant indulging in a premium streaming service, living near a subway line, and owning an adorable Pembroke Welsh Corgi. Yes, I realize my expectations were high, but those dogs are irresistibly cute, despite their shedding.
My life took a surprising turn while writing a dating column for a now-defunct magazine. On what felt like a random blind date at my favorite coffee spot in New York City (shout out to 71 Irving in Gramercy!), I met my best friend and partner in life. Cheesy, I know, but it’s the truth.
We dated, moved in together, and three years later, exchanged vows in a Ukrainian Catholic Church in Toronto, donning crowns as part of a unique tradition. It was our own version of a royal wedding, albeit with only 15 guests and a priest in leather sandals, but it was perfect for us.
While I loved my husband and the life we were crafting together, I was still uncertain about having children. My husband, however, was destined to be a father. Witnessing him interact with our friends’ children melted my heart. He’s this deeply intense guy who often struggles with eye contact, but around kids, he transforms into a playful and relaxed version of himself.
When I unexpectedly became pregnant a few years later, I was filled with both fear and excitement at the thought of sharing this journey with him. To my astonishment, pregnancy was a delight. All the dreaded symptoms—swollen feet, excessive weight gain, and severe mood swings—never materialized. In fact, I was so joyful during those months that I almost wished it could last longer (though I definitely wanted to reclaim my ability to see my feet and shave). The experience was far better than I had ever anticipated, and I found myself thriving in my new role as a mother.
As our son turned nine months old, we began contemplating baby number two. Around this time, I also finished breastfeeding. My son was an early teether, and I was more than over the bite marks that came with it.
Then, I discovered something that no woman ever hopes to find—a lump. A few weeks later, my worst fears were confirmed: breast cancer. The subsequent days were some of the most challenging of my life, filled with tests and ultimately leading to a double mastectomy to remove the cancerous tissue. While the surgery was daunting, I felt relieved to rid myself of those harmful cells. Yet, with cancer comes the fear of the unknown, and the pathology report indicated my cancer was fueled by estrogen. The necessary hormonal therapy pushed me into menopause and made it impossible for me to conceive naturally.
Fortunately, years prior, my husband and I had taken the precaution of freezing our embryos. After relocating to Toronto, I had come across an article discussing fertility preservation for women in their 30s. We acted on that advice, and now our dreams of expanding our family remain alive, with our embryos safely stored away.
With this hope in mind, we have begun the journey of finding a surrogate. I’ve been crafting our bios for applications and recently filmed a “Meet Us” video to attract a surrogate. It’s reminiscent of my dating column days, scrolling through profiles, but now it’s about finding someone to carry our child. “Couple seeking surrogate for baby. Non-smokers only. Vegans preferred.” Just kidding—I would never deny my future child meat and cheese!
In all seriousness, this journey is sure to test the limits of our relationship. It’s going to be a costly and stressful endeavor, one that might not yield the results we hope for. Once we find a surrogate, there’s still the possibility that she may not become pregnant or carry the child to term.
But we have hope. Breast cancer won’t take that away from us. Although this isn’t the path we anticipated for growing our family, if we are successful, we’ll be among the luckiest parents. Sometimes, a detour can lead you to exactly where you were meant to go.
Summary:
In this heartfelt narrative, Emily Carter shares her unexpected journey through pregnancy, a breast cancer diagnosis, and the decision to pursue surrogacy. From a reluctance to become a mother to discovering the joys of parenthood, her story highlights resilience, hope, and the transformative power of love. As she navigates the complexities of surrogacy, Emily reflects on the unexpected paths that life can take and the strength found in partnership and family.