If you came across that title and thought, “Are you serious? Your mom raised you and did her best. Just forgive and move on,” then this article might not resonate with you. You might not have experienced the kind of toxic or abusive parenting that leads one to make such a difficult decision. And that’s wonderful!
But if you read that title and felt a pang of recognition, a rush of anxiety, or a wave of emotional pain, then you understand. Sometimes, we find it necessary to sever ties with the very people who brought us into this world. The choice to “break up” with a parent can be essential to live our lives fully and authentically.
I want you to know that you are not alone. There is no need to feel guilty for prioritizing your own well-being and that of your family. It’s okay to feel sadness about what could have been, about the ideal family moments you’ve envisioned. Those feelings may never completely fade. Life keeps us busy, yet the longing for a different reality lingers.
You yearn for what seems like a normal childhood experience: Sunday dinners at Grandma’s, inviting someone you love to spend time with while you enjoy a much-needed date night. But the truth is, what you desire often doesn’t materialize. And it’s painful—so painfully unfair.
You may have clung to hope for far too long, allowing yourself to be manipulated, to endure gaslighting, and to be made to feel small. You’ve likely experienced anger, tears, and repeated forgiveness, only to find nothing has changed. Your feelings were dismissed, labeled as “dramatic” or “selfish.” Those words cut deep, leaving wounds that never truly heal.
Eventually, there comes a moment when you declare, “No more. I’m done.” For me, that moment happened nearly four years ago. Since then, aside from a brief lapse in judgment, I have had no contact with my mother. It’s complicated, both for me and my siblings. My relationships with extended family have also suffered, and that’s a heartbreaking reality. It feels nearly impossible to navigate toxic family dynamics without some fallout.
I love my siblings dearly and will always be there for them, but I have my own little ones who depend on me. It’s crucial that I be the healthy, happy, and emotionally stable mom they deserve. To achieve this, I had to say goodbye to my own mother and her toxic behavior, whether it was overt or subtly manipulative. Her treatment of me has left scars that trigger my anxiety, and even writing this brings forth painful memories I’ve tried to suppress.
Disconnecting from a parent goes against societal norms, and many struggle to understand my choices. They often express shock at my lack of communication with my mother or my decision not to share milestones with her. But this is my reality; I cannot share my life with someone who is toxic to me. Letting go of that dysfunctional relationship was necessary for my growth and happiness, and to become the mother I aspire to be for my children. I want them to always feel they can come home and bring their own children with them.
In summary, sometimes the hardest decision a person must make is to step away from their own parent in order to create a healthier life for themselves and their children. Emotional wounds can take time to heal, but prioritizing your well-being can lead to a happier future.
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