As a family of two full-time working parents, we find ourselves navigating life paycheck to paycheck. While we are grateful that our basic expenses are typically met, there’s often little left over for special treats, savings, or planned outings. When friends share stories of exciting activities they’re enjoying—whether with their kids or on their own—it’s tough not to feel a twinge of envy, knowing we can’t always participate.
I sometimes resonate with the character Phoebe from the Friends episode “The One with Five Steaks and an Eggplant.” I would love to celebrate a birthday at a nice restaurant or go to a concert, but financial constraints often hold me back. This struggle is a reality for many families, and we should not feel ashamed about making choices based on our financial circumstances, nor should we judge others who may be in a different situation.
Having grown up in a low-income household, I often reflect on how fortunate I am now—even if my reality might not seem rich to others. I have a reliable vehicle, health insurance, enough food to eat, and a roof over my head. While I may not have substantial savings or emergency funds, I understand that my situation is much better than what my family experienced during my childhood. This awareness makes me sensitive to those grappling with tight budgets.
As a child, my family frequently had to replace cars that barely lasted a year, leaving us stranded at inconvenient times. When I start my minivan and hear the engine roar to life, I can’t help but feel relieved. Reliable transportation is crucial for maintaining employment and getting my children to school, appointments, and activities. It’s easy to overlook these small yet significant aspects of life that help everything run smoothly.
As parents, we’re often reminded how easily our plans can be derailed by our children, and financial constraints can make our lives either easier or harder. When money is tight, we’re forced to sacrifice not just luxuries, but even necessities. Do the kids need new shoes and pants? Well, we might prioritize the warmer weather over replacing their winter clothes. Is the dryer making odd noises? We might ignore it—hoping it holds up just a little longer.
There are tough decisions to make, like weighing whether to take a sick child to the doctor or risk waiting it out. Families often balance the repercussions of a late mortgage payment against the growing interest on a credit card used to cover an unexpected car repair. It’s not simply a choice between organic food or conventional; it’s about whether we can afford any food at all.
I tend to be generous, going out of my way to tip well and think of others. However, my financial limitations sometimes make me appear uncaring or cheap, and that’s frustrating. I often skip school fundraisers—even my own children’s—don’t contribute to group gifts, and decline outings with friends. It’s not that I don’t want to engage; it’s just that our budget doesn’t allow for it.
In our household, home-cooked meals are the norm, and movie nights with popcorn are preferred over pricey theater outings. My kids have learned to appreciate thrift stores and yard sales, understanding that secondhand items can be just as exciting as brand new. Vacations are rare, usually limited to visiting family, and while they dream of trips to Disney or other amusement parks, they also recognize that those adventures are financially out of reach. I encourage them to save and plan for the future, but I make no promises.
I take pride in being able to meet my family’s needs, even if many of our possessions are old. The budget is often tight, and some months can feel overwhelming, filled with anxiety that unexpected expenses won’t arise. I work hard and strive to make every dollar count, and I shouldn’t feel judged for acknowledging the financial strain we face. Money doesn’t guarantee happiness, but it certainly can ease day-to-day life. You don’t need to experience the struggle to respect that many do.
This article was originally published on March 29, 2019.
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Summary
Navigating financial struggles as a working family can be challenging. It’s essential to recognize that many people face similar dilemmas, and judging others based on their financial situations can perpetuate shame. We should embrace our realities, prioritize our needs, and support one another without judgment.