There are moments when I wish I could rewind time to an era when extended families were just a stone’s throw away. If that were the case, perhaps I would receive some much-needed assistance when my four children are crying, whining, or clamoring for attention during those early mornings, late nights, and throughout the endless tantrums. Not only would it benefit my sanity, but it could also help them keep their sanity intact.
However, I quickly remember how much my in-laws can drive me up the wall, and my longing for those so-called golden days fades almost as quickly as my requests for help seem to disappear.
I’m not putting on a “woe is me” act. Trust me, I can tackle whatever needs to be done. I’m a mom, and we all know that when it comes to getting things done, moms are like superheroes. Still, I’m worn out from juggling everything on my own, especially when I was promised a supportive village to lean on.
The reality is this: my “village” might be close in terms of miles, but they feel miles away in spirit. They often throw out offers of help (the key word being “offer”), but I’ve learned to take those words with a grain of salt. Their absence stings, and it feels like their reliability is slipping away.
When their offers come in, they usually start with the word “maybe.” “Maybe I can take the kids this weekend if nothing else comes up.” If you’re a mother, you know exactly what “maybe” often means. At this point, I’ve learned to let those words bounce off me with a “we’ll see” mentality.
I don’t intend to be bitter or resentful toward my family, but there’s only so many times you can hear someone offer help without any follow-through before it starts to lose its meaning.
I’m cautious about getting my hopes up — and yes, I know that sounds a bit ridiculous — but I have work to accomplish at home, and when my family dangles empty promises before me, only for me and my children to face disappointment, those words lose their significance.
I’ve heard every excuse in the book:
- “My head hurts.”
- “I forgot and have other commitments.”
- “I’m so sorry, but… [insert excuse here].”
- “I can’t because of… (wait for it)… my dogs.”
The dogs? Really? I’m an animal lover myself, but come on; just be honest and admit you changed your mind instead of dressing it up in a flimsy excuse.
I fully understand this is part of the deal when you become a mom — being there for my kids around the clock. I wouldn’t exchange this chaotic mom-life for anything. Yet, the lack of support from my extended family is disheartening. It’s not just about me; it’s affecting my kids too.
We often rely on FaceTime to connect with family, but it’s heartbreaking when they promise to pick up the kids only to back out at the last minute. Sometimes there’s no explanation at all, just silence as my kids stand at the door, ready for a family day that’s been promised but never materializes.
Now, I’m left grappling with my own disappointment and my children’s confusion. In their attempts to ease my load, they often end up adding to it with their broken promises.
I’m not saying they’re terrible people, but it’s frustrating to see how unwilling they are to extend the same support I’d gladly offer them in return. It’s maddening, really. Out of all their promises, I’ve only managed to secure one child-free night. ONE.
That evening began just one hour before bedtime, and I picked them up the following morning an hour after they were meant to wake up. To be blunt, that “break” hardly felt like a break.
It’s not only my lack of alone time that frustrates me; it’s also the fact that my family is missing out on wonderful moments with my kids. To me, they are bright, caring, and intelligent little beings. While I know my family values them, it seems they don’t appreciate them the same way I do. It’s disheartening to think they don’t cherish these moments as my family once cherished me.
But perhaps what I need is to accept that this unreliable village is the hand I’ve been dealt. Maybe it’s a chance for us to realize that, even without ample outside support, we have everything we need within our little circle gathered around the dinner table.
In the end, it’s just us. No more, no less.
Summary
Emma reflects on her struggles with an extended family that lives close by but fails to provide the support she desperately needs as a busy mom of four. She discusses the disappointment of empty promises and the impact this has on both her and her children. Despite her frustrations, she recognizes the importance of cherishing her immediate family as they navigate the challenges together.