A friend once introduced me to the concept of giving my children “invisible trophies.” When they accomplish something noteworthy, I celebrate their efforts with these imaginary awards. I describe the trophies’ beauty and what they might say inscribed in gold. This secretive practice, known only to parents, delights my kids, making them feel special. My nine-year-old, in particular, would go to great lengths for these invisible accolades.
This method is a form of storytelling that not only engages but reinforces positive behavior. According to psychologist Julia Hartman from Villanova University, “Stories inherently contain elements that are far more captivating than straightforward statements.” The Inuit culture has long recognized this, using narratives to impart lessons on discipline and emotional regulation.
The Inuit, as described by Inuulitsivik, are the Indigenous people of the North American Arctic, numbering about 40,000 in Canada and 16,500 in the United States. In their culture, managing anger and avoiding hostile emotions is crucial. Accidental mishaps or poor choices are met with gentle laughter rather than anger, promoting self-control and emotional maturity. As noted by a Harvard researcher who spent time with the Inuit, displays of anger are rare; they are viewed as childish and unwise.
Inuit parenting is characterized by its gentle approach, with little to no yelling. Richard Guy Condon, in his book Inuit Youth: Growth and Change in the American Arctic, found only one documented case of physical punishment during three years of observation. Misbehavior is not labeled as “bad,” but rather as a sign that a child “really can’t listen.” As Learn Alberta points out, scolding or slapping is not considered acceptable discipline.
Inuit elders have remarked on the absurdity of yelling at small children, suggesting it only elevates the parent’s own stress. They believe that when children act out, it signals they are upset, and the focus should be on uncovering the underlying issue. Yelling, according to clinical psychologist Laura Markham, teaches children to be angry.
Instead of resorting to traditional Western methods like yelling or time-outs, Inuit parents employ storytelling to guide behavior. When children misbehave, they wait until emotions settle before addressing the situation. Then, parents reenact the incident with playful interactions, posing questions like, “Don’t you like me?” or playful challenges to hit them gently, which allows children to practice emotional regulation through play.
This storytelling approach can be surprising to those accustomed to more conventional parenting styles. For instance, to deter a child from approaching the ocean, parents might weave a tale of a sea monster that will carry them away, instilling caution through imaginative fear. Similarly, they might say that the northern lights will snatch off a child’s hat. While these stories might seem alarming, they effectively teach children to adhere to cultural norms and safety practices.
As I reflect on these Inuit techniques, I’m inspired to extend my parenting beyond invisible trophies. While my children have outgrown the doll-play of younger years, I can still incorporate storytelling to address behavioral issues. This may help them develop self-regulation and better coping strategies. It’s a profound and effective method, one that could transform my interactions with them.
In conclusion, the Inuit parenting style emphasizes calmness and creative storytelling, promoting emotional regulation and positive behavior in a unique way. Rather than resorting to yelling or punishment, these techniques offer valuable lessons for parents seeking a more peaceful approach.
For more insights on effective parenting techniques, check out this resource on intrauterine insemination from the NHS, or explore methods for at-home insemination with guidance from Make A Mom.