My partner and I were attending a community event when a woman we had just met suggested we should have more kids. It was around 2010, shortly after we had relocated to Minnesota. At the time, we had two children, and our youngest wasn’t even a year old.
To be fair, the woman didn’t express her opinion quite so directly. After we introduced ourselves and shared a bit about our family, she commented that we shouldn’t stop at two kids. With great enthusiasm, she shared her experience of raising five children, claiming that each additional child was a blessing and that parenting becomes easier with more kids. I had to fight the urge to cover her mouth to stop the flow of unsolicited advice.
Naturally, I didn’t react that way. We remained polite and thanked her for her input, but we didn’t share our truth. We didn’t mention that my partner had faced serious complications during our first pregnancy that led to an emergency C-section. We also omitted the fact that just weeks before that conversation, our youngest, Ava, had been in the NICU for a week due to underdeveloped lungs. I remember feeling the weight of stress, having lost 25 pounds during that period. Each time Ava cried, I felt a wave of gratitude because she had struggled to even cry at birth.
It was during this challenging time that we decided to stop at two children. The thought of having another child stirred up painful memories of near loss and the terrifying experience of emergency delivery. At that moment, the last thing we needed was a stranger insisting it was our duty to have more children. Yes, we had previously discussed the possibility of expanding our family, but those conversations took place before we faced the harrowing challenges of our last pregnancy. The decision to have children is deeply personal, and it’s not something that should be commented on by outsiders.
Every couple’s situation is different. Some may be unable to afford more children, while others may have concerns about overpopulation. Some have endured the heartbreak of infertility, and bringing one child into the world is a monumental victory. Some couples simply choose not to have kids, which is entirely valid. Family size is a personal choice that varies for everyone, and bigger isn’t always better.
Eventually, after five years, we did decide to have another child. Our third child, Liam, arrived without any complications, yet my partner faced a grueling recovery process. She experienced a rare condition following her Cesarean, leading to intense pain that lasted far longer than her previous recoveries. After this experience, we felt complete with three children. My partner had already endured three surgeries, and we both agreed it was time for me to get a vasectomy.
We felt no regret about our family size.
Just two months after welcoming our third child, another stranger, this time at a playground, asked how many kids we had and insisted we needed “just one more.” She didn’t consider our journey or our reasons for stopping at three; she simply voiced her opinion without understanding our unique situation. I’ve encountered similar comments from co-workers and even family members, as if our choices were theirs to dictate. The pressure to conform to societal expectations can be overwhelming.
Now that our youngest is nearing five years old, and my partner and I are settling into our late thirties, the topic of having more children rarely arises. I find myself grateful for this change. However, it’s essential to recognize that the decision to have children is highly personal. The choice to bring a child into the world involves numerous, often complex factors. For some, it can pose significant health risks to both the mother and the baby. Ultimately, decisions about family size should rest solely with the couple involved.
So, unless someone approaches you with a genuine inquiry about expanding their family, it’s best to keep your thoughts on family size to yourself.
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In summary, family planning is a deeply personal journey, and individuals should feel empowered to make their own choices without outside pressure.