As I juggled my 6-week-old son in a front pack, my back protested while I attempted to prepare dinner. Weeks had passed since I last cooked a meal at home. The delicious casseroles from friends, family, and neighbors had long been consumed, and after countless takeout orders, I thought that preparing a healthy meal might restore some normalcy for my family. I was mistaken.
As my husband walked in and flipped through the mail without looking up, my 3-year-old chimed in with disappointment about the lack of rice accompanying “the yucky meal.” I was trying to regain my footing after giving birth for the third time in just three years. I thought that if I pushed myself, I could summon my old self back into existence. With each subsequent birth, I found that returning to my previous state took longer, especially mentally and emotionally, and I was trying to force my old self to resurface.
The reality is that when you welcome a new baby while also managing toddlers (or more), chaos often reigns for an extended period. You crave assistance but struggle to articulate what you need, let alone find the time to ask for it. Having visitors drop by to see the baby can feel intrusive, especially during nap times. Coordinating visits around toddlers’ schedules becomes a juggling act, leaving you either feeling resentful or too exhausted to maintain the social calendar.
You might shut it all down, fearing that you seem unfriendly while enduring comments about “keeping family from your child.” While loved ones reach out to check on you and offer help, you find yourself unable to answer the phone, as you really need support rather than conversation. If you’ve just given birth, the concept of healing feels like a distant dream. A few nights in the hospital is hardly sufficient, and the moment you step inside your home, the chaos resumes: the dog has messed on the carpet, and you must keep a vigilant eye on how your toddler interacts with the newborn to prevent any accidents.
Toddlers can be exhausting on their own, but combined with a newborn, it’s an entirely different level of intensity. You may find yourself feeling self-conscious about your body, which is normal, yet your toddler might remind you of it daily—something you certainly don’t need. Each morning, you’ll wake up wondering how you’ll tackle the day, often feeling as if you need the energy of ten people just to manage the chaos.
The tears will flow frequently, and you may feel trapped in your own home, as leaving seems like too much effort. When you finally venture out, it’s hard not to want to return to the comfort of your own space. You’ll find yourself feeding the baby while preparing your toddler’s lunch, only to spill milk or formula, triggering a meltdown. Toddlers don’t care if you were up all night with the newborn; they want attention and may act out to reclaim it, even throwing themselves on the grocery store floor just as you need to grab diapers or formula.
Bringing a newborn into a home already bustling with toddlers requires a level of resilience you may not have known you possessed. It won’t all fall into place overnight, and it can take a long time to find your rhythm. You might feel perpetually sleep-deprived, longing for quiet moments, and question whether you’ll ever feel like your old self again.
Yet, amidst the chaos, there are beautiful moments that keep you moving forward. It will get easier—eventually. It might be cliché to say, but it’s true, even if hearing it now makes you want to scream. Be patient with yourself; lowering your expectations and accepting that this is hard is vital. You’re only responsible for doing your best each day, and gradually, you will all find your way. You may even discover that you can’t imagine life any other way.
For more insights on parenting and home insemination, check out Intracervical Insemination, as well as resources from Make a Mom and Genetics and IVF Institute.
Summary: Managing a newborn alongside toddlers can be overwhelming and chaotic, but it’s essential to embrace the challenges and lower your expectations. While it may take time to find your rhythm, beautiful moments will arise, and you will eventually adjust to your new reality.