Something has been on my mind, and I need to express it: I spent 17 years as a stay-at-home mom, and I take pride in that. I feel incredibly fortunate to have been able to dedicate that time to my children. I’m exhausted by the looks of disbelief from other mothers when I share this. Yes, I hold a degree from a prestigious university (UCLA, no less!), and I had a career before motherhood. Now that my children are off to college, I’m re-entering the workforce.
I didn’t choose to stay home because my paycheck wouldn’t cover daycare expenses, nor did I do it because my husband insisted. I made the decision to stay home because my own mother worked when I was growing up, and I often felt her absence. I wanted to be there for my children in the same way, and that was my priority. Don’t judge me as if I’m lazy or unambitious. Being a mother is an immense undertaking, filled with ambition and challenges.
The Challenges of Staying Home
Let me tell you, staying at home was tough—really tough. You can’t excel at it every single day. There are no formal evaluations or feedback loops to help you improve. Every day is a challenge, and you’re often left wondering if you’re doing the right thing. What makes it even more difficult is that everyone has their own views on what “right” parenting means.
There were countless days when I thought, “I’m failing at this.” But those moments of doubt were often followed by joy—like when my child nailed a spelling test I helped them prepare for or finally hit a ball in their softball game after hours of practice. Those little victories reminded me that I was doing well as a mom. I don’t need anyone’s judgment to question my commitment.
Not Looking for Sympathy
I’m not looking for sympathy or status as a “trophy wife.” Before I embraced motherhood, I was a newspaper reporter and an editor at a publishing house. My goal was to nurture my children into kind, self-aware individuals. So, if you have negative opinions about my choice, keep them to yourself. Women should be supported in whatever path they choose, whether that’s working outside the home or staying home with their kids.
There’s a saying that you either replicate your parents’ parenting style or intentionally choose a different approach. I chose differently. I often wished my mother could be there for me during school events or outings, so I made it a point to be the carpool mom and the field trip mom for my children.
Finding Joy in Motherhood
I traded in my career for cozy loungewear and embraced 17 years of motherhood. I found joy in simple things like exercising, cleaning, gardening, and volunteering. It was a fulfilling experience, and I wouldn’t change a thing. So, to any working moms out there—more power to you! Just spare me the judgment about my choices. Yes, my cooking may not have been gourmet, and my crafts were far from Pinterest-worthy, but I was dedicated to being a loving mom.
Financially, we made sacrifices when I decided to stay home, but my husband and I agreed it was worth it. We believed one of us should be available to our kids at all times. I chose to step back from my career because I wanted to be directly involved in my children’s lives. It’s not the only way to parent, but it was my way.
Re-entering the Workforce
Now that I’m back in the workforce, with one daughter at UC Berkeley, another heading to UCLA soon, and one still in high school, I miss those long, lazy days. But I also love being back at work, interacting with adults again, and wearing my favorite heels instead of slippers.
So, to all the stay-at-home moms out there, I see you and respect your choice. Live your life as you see fit—no apologies needed. To the mom who looked down on me while I walked my kids to school, save your judgment for yourself. I’m older and wiser now, and I no longer care what you think about my decisions.
In Summary
Being a stay-at-home mom for 17 years was a choice I made with intention. It was a challenging yet rewarding journey, and I’m proud of what I accomplished. Everyone’s parenting journey is unique, and we should support one another in our choices.