I never expected to face judgment for choosing to have an epidural during childbirth. Ironically, the epidural didn’t even work! I am a strong advocate for epidurals—bring on the pain relief! As a mother of three, I opted for an epidural with each delivery, not out of weakness, but because I wanted to embrace the experience of bringing my children into the world.
Kudos to all the women who choose to go without an epidural; you’re amazing! Personally, I never considered labor without one. To me, it was simply a matter of wanting to feel pain or wanting to avoid it. No shame in my game!
Recently, while sharing my experience of my first delivery, I mentioned that I had an epidural, but it failed to take effect. Her response shocked me: “Oh, you had an epidural? Then you don’t really know what labor is like.” She then turned her back to me, chatting with someone else. I felt invisible, and it stung.
From the moment I felt my first contraction, I was set on getting an epidural. After a few hours of contractions, the anesthesiologist arrived, and he was curt and rushed. Within minutes, I began experiencing strange sensations like numbness in my breasts and tingling lips, but I could still feel everything below my belly. I kept insisting that I could feel each contraction, but it wasn’t until I was dilated to a 10 that they believed me. By the time I was ready to push, I was able to move my legs and reposition myself—definitely not numb!
Pushing my son took an hour and a half. I was utterly exhausted and felt every tear. I could sense the physical toll, yet I was encouraged to keep pushing. Just when I thought I couldn’t go on, my husband said, “Honey, I can see him!” That gave me the motivation to keep going.
When my son finally made his entrance, the doctor expressed surprise at his size. “If we knew he was going to be this big, we would have opted for a C-section,” he said, quickly handing the baby to NICU nurses for checks. I was informed I was bleeding heavily and needed immediate stitches. The doctor, thinking I had an epidural, began stitching without waiting for the numbing shot to take effect. Nurses flooded the room, monitoring my vitals and discussing a potential blood transfusion. Despite the chaos, I was focused on the little boy in my arms.
“Doesn’t he look big?” I asked Derek. The nurse chuckled and said he weighed at least 9 pounds. After his measurements, the scale read, “9 lbs 14 oz!” One nurse exclaimed, “If only we’d weighed him before he pooped, he might have topped 10 lbs!” They noted his head size, equivalent to that of a one-month-old—definitely no small feat! My recovery was brutal, with significant tearing that left me in constant discomfort. It took weeks for the stitches to dissolve, and I dealt with bladder control issues as a result.
When that woman dismissed my experience as not being true labor, I wanted to scream. My first child was a hefty 10 pounds, and I felt every bit of it. I witnessed the panic on the doctor’s face when he realized the size of my baby. I had to keep my son fed frequently to maintain his blood sugar, and I bled for nearly nine weeks post-delivery.
It’s disheartening to hear anyone suggest that a woman hasn’t gone through labor just because they believe their experience was tougher. Pregnancy, labor, and motherhood are not competitions. Instead of shaming each other, let’s support one another. I carried three babies for nine months each, delivered them—all over nine pounds—and nurtured them with my body.
So, don’t you dare mom-shame me.
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Summary:
Choosing an epidural during childbirth can provoke unexpected judgment, especially if it doesn’t work as intended. The author shares her experience of labor, emphasizing that every woman’s journey is unique and should be respected. Instead of competing or shaming each other, it’s vital to support and uplift one another in the shared experience of motherhood.