Navigating Parenting as a Single Mother
The journey of motherhood is challenging, and doing it alone can feel nearly impossible. For single moms, the absence of a support system can be overwhelming. We often pour our hearts and souls into raising our children, juggling countless responsibilities, and finding little time for ourselves. While some single moms may have co-parenting arrangements, that doesn’t make their struggles any less significant.
I became a single mom when my son was just three months old. Although I have had a supportive network, I still carry the weight of raising him almost entirely by myself. Despite living with my parents during his early years, the bulk of parenting and the financial responsibilities rested squarely on my shoulders. His father has been in the picture, but for a significant portion of my son’s life, it was a long-distance relationship. When we finally moved closer, I had high hopes for a cooperative parenting dynamic. However, the reality did not match my expectations.
Once we relocated, my son’s father seemed to realize that his lifestyle wasn’t compatible with being a present dad. Instead of making adjustments, he gradually reduced his involvement. I vividly recall a night last summer where I reached out, pleading for more support. Throughout the school year, he would occasionally pick our son up, but the time spent together was minimal. When summer arrived, he virtually disappeared from our lives. Not only was this unfair to our child, but it left me feeling overwhelmed.
Eventually, we reached a compromise where he would take our son for a few hours each week. However, these moments of respite are rarely spent relaxing. Instead, I often use that time to run errands, clean the house, or catch up on work.
Recently, a fellow single mom remarked that because my son’s father is still actively involved, I’m not a “real” single mom. This notion that there are different tiers of single motherhood is not only untrue, it’s damaging. Single moms with support are still very much single mothers. We are the ones ensuring our kids have everything they need.
When my son faced a medical emergency, his dad was halfway around the world on vacation. Upon returning, he tried to downplay his cold, but I reminded him that I had been caring for both of us while managing my work commitments. Having a co-parent doesn’t equate to freedom; it often means more planning and sacrifice on my part.
Even as one of the “lucky” single moms with some support, I often miss work for doctor’s appointments or buy necessities without assistance. I do all the research for schooling and summer plans without so much as a question from my son’s father. It’s important to acknowledge that many single moms lack any form of support and must take their children everywhere, working tirelessly without breaks. They deserve recognition and respite.
However, support can be unreliable. Friends and family may offer help, but life circumstances often prevent them from being available. For every moment of relief, there are countless tasks and responsibilities that remain.
Single moms are heroes, regardless of whether they have help. We navigate the chaos of parenting daily, even when it feels like we’re failing. The demands can be overwhelming, whether it’s dealing with last-minute school projects or managing finances.
Labeling single moms with support as any less valid undermines our experiences. A “real” single mom is simply one who is parenting without a partner. The distinction between a partner and a co-parent is crucial. This is why married moms claiming single mom status frustrate us; they have partners, even if they’re not always present.
The truth is, all single moms face societal judgement, whether they have support or not. Instead of competing over who qualifies as a “true” single mom, we should uplift one another. We all need and deserve that support, especially in the trenches of motherhood.
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Summary:
Single moms, regardless of their support systems, face unique challenges and deserve recognition for their efforts. It’s crucial to support one another and avoid diminishing anyone’s experience based on their circumstances. True single motherhood encompasses a range of experiences, and all mothers navigating this path deserve to be uplifted and celebrated.