Remember that iconic moment in the movie As Good As It Gets when Jack Nicholson’s character tells Helen Hunt, “You make me want to be a better man”? It’s the kind of line that makes you swoon, right? But let’s be real—the character was grappling with mental health issues that hindered his ability to form healthy relationships. So, while it may seem romantic on screen, in reality, it falls short.
When men say, “My wife makes me want to be a better person,” it initially sounds like a heartfelt compliment. It elevates the woman in question, showcasing her influence simply by being herself. It’s impressive, even like a superpower! But let’s unpack this: it’s not flattering; it’s actually quite problematic.
Women are already juggling immense pressures—being attentive mothers, supportive friends, devoted partners, and maintaining a semblance of order in their lives while also prioritizing self-care. The last thing we need is the added burden of being a source of inspiration for men to improve themselves.
Sure, this may be intended as a compliment, but women are striving for personal growth, too. Our motivation comes from within, driven by the desire to be better humans during our fleeting time on this planet. If we’re parents, we aim to raise good children. Yet, we’re often overwhelmed and simply trying to manage our own lives without being responsible for another adult’s emotional state.
Here’s a radical idea: what if men took it upon themselves to be good people without relying on women for inspiration? The narrative that women must influence men’s behavior is tiresome. From school dress codes that blame girls for distracting boys to the notion that a woman’s actions guide a man’s abusive behavior, enough is enough. Women aren’t accountable for men’s conduct—good or bad.
A woman’s integrity shouldn’t act as a catalyst for a man to cultivate his conscience. If you’re seeking inspiration for how to be a decent human being, look elsewhere—perhaps to a mentor, a family member, or even a book. Your partner deserves someone who is already striving to be good on their own.
What’s much more appealing in a man than claiming a woman inspires him? It’s a man who is already committed to self-improvement before meeting her. Relationships shouldn’t resemble a reality show where one partner plays the fixer-upper for the other.
And what happens if the woman faces challenges or makes mistakes? Does that give her partner a pass to stop trying? Or does he become the source of inspiration? This isn’t a healthy dynamic.
Mutual support is essential in a relationship. If both partners encourage one another to be their best selves, that’s wonderful. However, the prevailing narrative often casts men as lost or flawed until a woman comes along to guide them. This perception is troubling. Men should aspire to be better for their own reasons.
Women, let’s not fall into the trap of romanticizing this idea. Unless the motivation to improve is mutual, it loses its charm. We aren’t responsible for men’s behavior—neither the positive nor the negative.
For more insights on navigating relationships and personal growth, check out this engaging piece on home insemination. And if you’re looking for expert advice on artificial insemination, Make a Mom is a great place to start. Also, for further understanding of infertility issues, Women’s Health offers excellent resources.
Summary:
It’s essential to recognize that women should not bear the responsibility of inspiring men to become better individuals. While it may seem flattering, this expectation adds unnecessary pressure on women, who are already managing numerous responsibilities. Mutual growth in relationships is vital, but men should strive for personal improvement independently rather than relying on their partners. Ultimately, we must shift the narrative to emphasize individual accountability and growth.