When we think back to the 1980s, we often picture a simpler time for parenting. Moms gathered to sip Tab and enjoy a smoke, watching soap operas while their kids played freely outside. Today, many of us reminisce about those days—not necessarily the Tab or the smoking, but the opportunity for mom-time, even if it was via a landline phone, while our kids explored the neighborhood.
In those days, it was common to leave a child in the car for a quick grocery run without fear of repercussions. Kids played outside without the overwhelming anxiety of “stranger danger” that parents face today. But is that really how it was?
My mother, who welcomed me into the world in 1981, recalls letting me play outside on my own at the age of five—a concept we now call “free-range parenting.” She remembers me enjoying simple activities like painting with water on the patio while she kept an eye on me from the kitchen. When we moved to a new house, my little brother and I had the run of our large yard, trusted to close gates and stay safe.
But this freedom didn’t mean our moms were oblivious. My mother always knew where I was playing. By the time I was seven, my brother and I were allowed to walk the two blocks to our grandparents’ home, crossing streets and passing a park with swings and slides along the way.
Interestingly, not every mom fit the laid-back stereotype. Take Linda, for instance, who was quite strict with her two kids born in the early ’80s. Their bedtime was enforced, toys had to be neatly stored, and television time was limited. Yet, when it came to outdoor play, she was far from restrictive. The yard was often filled with neighborhood kids, all left to explore freely, climbing trees and playing games late into the night.
Moms like Trixie, who had children in the ’70s, also faced their own challenges. Looking back, Trixie admits to battling what would be diagnosed later as depression, yet she often found solace in sending her kids outside to play, telling them to leave her alone unless a certain famous musician knocked on the door.
Some of the freedoms we enjoyed back then would raise eyebrows today. For example, my mother let me walk half a block to buy bread when I was only four. By eight, I was crossing roads and buying snacks on my own. Linda, despite her strictness, once walked with her kids to a corner store, teaching them how to navigate the streets safely.
When asked about her worries, my mother laughed. “The only thing I worried about was whether you’d take the emergency brake off while I was gone,” she said. Linda echoed this sentiment, recalling that her only concern was how to teach her kids safety without instilling unnecessary fear.
Both moms highlighted a key factor in their sense of security: they knew their neighbors. “We trusted our village,” Linda stated. “Everyone looked out for one another.” This communal sense of safety is a stark contrast to today, where many parents feel isolated and apprehensive about helping children who aren’t their own.
Despite that relaxed attitude during the day, many of us had strict nighttime routines. My brother and I didn’t have TVs in our rooms, and chores were a regular part of our responsibilities. However, we were given the freedom to explore, make our own snacks, and even be left in the car occasionally. The general consensus among ’80s moms is that they raised independent kids who turned out just fine.
Perhaps today’s parents could take a cue from our mothers. With all the current concerns about safety and well-being, maybe we can afford to loosen the reins a bit. After all, as my mother put it, “I always cared, but I didn’t worry.”
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Summary: Parenting in the 1980s was marked by a mix of freedom and care, with mothers allowing their children to explore and learn independence while still keeping a watchful eye. While the world has changed significantly since then, there may be valuable lessons to learn about balancing safety with the freedom to grow.