Being Southern is something I cherish deeply. Our culture is rich with distinct flavors, from deliciously seasoned dishes to the warm politeness of saying “excuse me” after a bump. And let’s not forget the humidity—it works wonders for our skin and hair!
However, as much as I take pride in my Southern roots, there are aspects of the culture I find troubling. While the glaring issue of systemic racism tops the list, another concern that often goes unspoken is the practice of spanking, or as many refer to it, “whooping.”
Southern children, particularly Black ones, face immense pressure to be well-behaved and polished. The fear of embarrassing one’s family or being told you lack “home training” comes with serious consequences—many of which are physical in nature.
Growing up as a Black child in the South, it’s almost a given that you will both receive and administer whoopings. It’s become a cultural norm, arguably stemming from an authoritarian parenting style prevalent in many Black households. The roots of this approach are debated; some attribute it to the legacy of slavery, while others argue it’s seen as necessary to prepare children for a world that can be unforgiving. It’s a chilling notion.
While I understand the good intentions behind this practice, I am convinced that a whooping isn’t the magic solution to shield our children from the harsh realities of racism. It’s heartbreaking to think that many Black parents believe their only defense against societal dangers is to inflict harm on their own children. I admit I’ve been caught in that mindset before.
Despite the intentions, we know that physical discipline is ineffective. Research highlights numerous unintended negative effects of spanking. My own life experiences illustrated this point more vividly than any study could.
As a child, I often found myself in trouble for simply being talkative. However, the school system didn’t differentiate between minor disruptions and more serious infractions, leading to my facing severe punishments that felt disproportionate. I remember my early encounters with formal discipline in kindergarten when the principal had the authority to spank with paddles.
On the surface, it may seem like my behavior warranted punishment, but when you consider the statistics showing that Black girls face harsher disciplinary action, it becomes clear that the odds were stacked against me from the start.
I was frequently punished at school and occasionally spanked at home, but these methods didn’t curb my behavior. The root issue was not defiance but rather a lack of stimulation in class. I needed someone to recognize my intelligence and challenge me instead of resorting to punishment.
With years gone by, I now see those same strong-willed traits in my son. I know that resorting to spanking would be just as ineffective with him. Parenting in a way that contradicts my upbringing is challenging, especially when I sense judgment from others in my community when my son misbehaves.
Yet, I am committed to finding parenting methods that teach my kids to cope with racism while instilling respect—without resorting to physical discipline. I won’t claim moral superiority; I’ve faltered back to old habits on occasion. However, each time I do, I remind myself why I strive not to hit my children. It requires conscious effort and deliberate decision-making to parent differently.
I know I’m not alone; there are many Black parents who wish to raise children equipped to face racism without physical punishment. Whenever frustration creeps in, I remind myself that no one, including myself, has the right to inflict harm on my children.
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Summary
The author reflects on the challenges of raising Black children in the Southern culture, particularly regarding the common practice of spanking. They discuss the pressures faced by Southern children and the ineffectiveness of physical discipline, emphasizing the need for alternative parenting methods that prepare children to deal with societal issues without resorting to violence.