There are moments in life when I receive a sympathetic pat on the back or a quick intake of breath, lips pressed tightly together, as if the person is feeling my pain. Each time, there’s an apology attached. “Oh wow, two daughters? I’m sorry. That must be tough.”
What they don’t realize is that I have three kids—one son and two daughters. It’s often the men who express this remorse when they learn I have two girls, asking how I manage or how my son is coping.
Now, not every man reacts this way; it’s usually the hyper-masculine types. I work in a college athletics program, and some of the athletes joke about how challenging it must be to raise two girls, as if they know anything about parenting. However, it’s the strangers who get under my skin the most. Old men in the grocery store who pinch my arm and say, “Two girls, huh? You’ve got your hands full.” They wink and grin, as if I’ve drawn the short straw in the parenting lottery.
Outwardly, I respond with a half-smile. I don’t want to get into a confrontation in a grocery store with someone I don’t know. They often misinterpret my polite smile as agreement, while, in reality, it’s just annoyance.
When I first learned our second child would be a girl, I did feel a twinge of concern. It wasn’t more than I felt with my first child, our son, Ethan, but it was a bit daunting. I could easily relate to what a boy would go through, but a girl felt a bit foreign.
However, reflecting on my experience as a father to two daughters, I realize it’s been an incredible journey. It’s meant melted hearts, reading a poorly written book about “Frozen” every night without fail, and singing “Let It Go” during my early morning drives to work. It’s brought up questions about beauty standards as I scrutinize Barbie dolls and wonder if they set unrealistic expectations for my daughters.
Raising daughters has awakened emotions I didn’t know I had. I’ve discovered a softer side, a deeper understanding of life’s nuances, and the joy of hearing “I love you, Daddy,” alongside the sting of “I’m never talking to you again!”
Perhaps the men expressing sympathy are tapping into something deeper. Parenting daughters can soften a man, challenge traditional notions of masculinity, and bring emotions long buried to the forefront. However, what they don’t grasp is that raising girls doesn’t equate to weakness or make parenting harder than raising boys—because all parenting is challenging. But it does cultivate a more empathetic, well-rounded man.
I’ve gained invaluable insights into the struggles and expectations women face by being a father to daughters, enriching my life rather than diminishing it. I feel fortunate to have these girls in my life.
Instead of apologies, I wish these men would recognize how lucky I am. And I truly am.
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Summary:
Being a dad of daughters is a rewarding journey filled with unexpected emotions and insights. Despite the misconceptions from others, raising girls has made me a more empathetic and understanding person. Rather than feeling sorry for me, people should recognize how lucky I am to have daughters.