By Jenna Matthews
Life is full of predictable moments. You can bet that if you finally decide to wash your car, rain will appear out of nowhere, or that searching for health symptoms online will lead you to believe you’re facing a dire illness. And when someone shares a post about their anniversary or Valentine’s Day, it’s almost certain they’ll toss around the term “best friend.”
“I married my best friend.” “Waking up to my best friend every day is the best.” “So grateful for my best friend.” Hashtags like #bestfriend and #blessed abound. Yet, I hesitate to use that phrase because my husband is not my best friend.
Labeling him as such feels like downplaying the profound connection we share. It’s akin to saying “it’s a bit windy” while a hurricane rages outside or calling the Grand Canyon a mere ditch. No single phrase can capture the depth of our bond, no catchy slogan can encapsulate our relationship.
Now, before you roll your eyes or feel nauseated, let me clarify: this isn’t a boast about having a perfect marriage or a legendary love story. We’re just an ordinary couple who has been together for over 20 years, navigating life’s ups and downs.
We argue over trivial matters and significant issues alike, often because one of us is being stubborn (definitely not me). We clash over big topics as well as small annoyances, and life often gets in the way, making us realize it’s been ages since we had a date night or spent quality time together. My husband knows how to push my buttons faster than anyone else—whether it’s timing bathroom breaks or leaving his socks on the floor.
But therein lies the beauty of our partnership. He knows me inside and out, just as I know him. My best friend might be aware that I fear zombies, but my husband understands the backstory behind that fear, which dates back to when my siblings let me watch Return of the Living Dead at age five (thanks for that, guys).
While a best friend might know my aversion to fish or the fact that tequila gives me a raging hangover, my husband could recite my social security number, the medication that causes me to bloat, and the tale of the worn-out stuffed bear that still resides in our bedroom.
He has seen me at my most glamorous and in my most unkempt states, from dressed to the nines to lounging in food-stained sweatpants. He has witnessed my greatest accomplishments and my most painful moments. He understands how I will react in various situations, what brings me joy, and the traumas that haunt me. He perceives the unspoken feelings that I sometimes struggle to articulate.
I cherish my best friends dearly; they are vital to my well-being, and we’ve shared countless fun and memorable experiences. However, they aren’t the ones I turn to for monumental decisions in life. They haven’t held my hand through the hardest times or fought with me to mend what feels irreparable. While they can provide advice, their emotional investment simply doesn’t compare because it’s not their life at stake. My heart doesn’t ache with the same intensity for them.
Friendships require effort, but they’re not as demanding as a committed partnership. Friendships can be relatively uncomplicated, whereas marriages demand hard work, sacrifice, and perseverance. It’s about staying afloat through life’s tempests and working tirelessly to navigate through challenges. This kind of bond deserves a far more unique title than “friend.”
You can simply “friend” someone on social media, but that doesn’t hold a candle to the rich, messy, and deeply interconnected love I have with my husband. The term “soulmates” falls short too, suggesting a flawless romance that doesn’t account for the hard work we’ve invested in our relationship.
So until someone coins a term that more accurately describes our connection, I’ll opt for humor and heart in a card for my husband. His laughter will spark mine, and we’ll share moments that define us: far beyond just being best friends.
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