Recently, I took my two eldest children to an orthodontist, where we learned they would both need braces. The estimate we received left me feeling faint. My daughter Lily is nine, and my son Alex is 12—both at the age when crooked teeth become more apparent. My partner, Sam, and I had braces when we were younger, so it was no surprise that our kids inherited our imperfect grins. However, I had naively thought our insurance would cover more than it actually did. As a parent to three kids, I should have known better; dental insurance for a family can feel like a never-ending financial juggling act, with each dentist visit feeling like a gut punch.
As Sam and I discussed how to manage the costs and what our insurance would contribute, memories of my own childhood flooded my mind, particularly of my mother. At age 12, the same age as Alex now, I got braces—three years after my father walked out. He didn’t pay child support, so my mother was solely responsible for the expense of my orthodontic care. She worked days at a local factory and cleaned houses in the evenings. During the holidays, she often picked up extra shifts at a music store.
Each night, she would return home exhausted, often wearing paint-stained sweatpants and a T-shirt. In one hand, she carried a bucket filled with cleaning supplies, and in the other, she would have her office clothes draped over her arm. There were mornings when she’d wake me just before heading to her first job, ensuring I was up for school, and returning late to check my homework and prepare dinner.
I can’t recall exactly how much braces cost in the early ’90s, but I know it was likely a significant burden for her. I still picture her late at night, sitting at our kitchen table, surrounded by bills, a calculator in one hand and supporting her forehead with the other. She always seemed tired and stressed.
Back then, I didn’t appreciate her sacrifices. I viewed my braces as a personal affront. I refused to wear my headgear or elastics, and I often argued with the orthodontist about removing them. I vividly remember my mother waking me up late at night, her eyes weary from long hours, urging me to put on my headgear. I’d begrudgingly comply, enduring discomfort while my teeth slowly shifted into place. I wish I could say I recognized then how much she was doing for me, but the truth is, I didn’t. I resented my braces, the headgear, and sometimes even my mother.
It wasn’t until now, at 36, with a nice smile to show for it, that I truly understood the depth of my mother’s sacrifices. After processing the orthodontic estimates for my kids, I found myself reaching out to her. We chatted briefly about the children, her retirement, and my stepfather, before I mentioned the cost of braces. She chuckled, not out of schadenfreude, but with a sense of shared experience.
“How did you manage to pay for my braces?” I asked, genuinely curious.
She let out a deep sigh and replied, “It wasn’t easy.” She recounted how my father wouldn’t contribute, saying, “Not that it should surprise you. Somehow, I made it work because I knew it was important.” When she said “important,” I realized she meant “you were important.”
There was a moment of silence before I said, “I know this is long overdue, but I want to thank you for everything. I’m sorry I was so difficult.”
She laughed warmly and responded, “You’re welcome. You would have had quite the crooked smile if I hadn’t.” Then she added, “I thought you’d appreciate it sooner than now.”
I apologized again, and she reassured me, “Don’t worry about your kids. If I figured out how to pay for braces, you will too.”
It’s funny how having children can change your perspective on your own parents. My mother and I had our share of disagreements during my teenage years, but reflecting on her sacrifices fills me with gratitude. I feel loved, and that’s a powerful realization. Thanks, Mom.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the author’s newfound appreciation for the sacrifices made by his single mother while he was growing up, particularly in relation to affording braces. It highlights the financial struggles she faced and the lessons he learned as a parent, realizing the depth of her love and commitment.