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Stop Underestimating Motherhood and the Efforts We Put In
by Jamie Rivers
Updated: May 3, 2019
Originally Published: May 1, 2019
“Maybe you women should get a real job.”
The man’s voice, slightly slurred from his whiskey, cut through the noise of the bustling airport bar. His volume increased with his agitation, drawing attention from those nearby who likely anticipated a memorable scene to recount later.
He appeared to be in his fifties, white, with thinning gray hair—a type of man who felt entitled to express his opinions, regardless of the audience. I initially assumed he was harmless as he approached me, already gripping a drink. “Mind if I sit here?” he asked, and I nodded, despite the sense of dread creeping in. “Where are you headed, sweetheart?” The endearment made me cringe slightly; I was no stranger to this southern charm.
“On my way to Memphis,” I replied, crunching on an ice cube, my classy demeanor on full display.
“Are you leaving or coming home?” he inquired, settling in as he gestured for another drink from the bartender.
I told him I was returning home, and when he asked about my trip, I mentioned I had been in New York City for a business meeting. His reaction hinted at skepticism, especially when he asked if I was “all alone.” Annoyed but striving for politeness, I explained, “No, I was there for work.”
“What do you do?” he asked.
“I’m a writer,” I replied, noting the laughter in his voice when he asked if I had written anything he might recognize. “I doubt it,” I said, suppressing a smile at the thought.
“Parenting blogs? BLEH! Everyone seems to be writing those these days. Who even reads them?”
A tip for conversing with strangers: it’s generally not courteous to disparage someone’s profession right off the bat.
I sighed and signaled for another drink, knowing the bartender and I would be bonding over this encounter.
“Well, if you’re genuinely curious, our audience largely comprises parents—particularly moms, but also dads and caregivers like teachers and nannies. It’s not just about whining; it’s about creating a space where we can share our struggles. Parenting can be isolating, and knowing others face similar challenges can be comforting.”
The bartender, a single mom herself, nodded in agreement as she served my next drink.
“I’ve raised three sons,” he interrupted, “and I never wasted time worrying about making the right decisions. I work for a living. Maybe you women should get a real job.”
In that moment, I felt my patience wane. I could have walked away, but instead, I burst into laughter. “Oh, sweetheart,” I managed to say between chuckles. “What’s so funny?”
I couldn’t help but respond, “Did you miss the part where I said I was in New York for a business meeting? I HAVE a job. But even if I didn’t, raising kids is hard work. Try getting a nanny who’ll work for free. You’ve got three grown sons and never worried about what was best for them? Either you’re lying, or I feel terrible for your poor wife. I want to send her flowers for putting up with your nonsense.”
As he retreated from the bar, I called after him, suggesting I could send her wine. The bartender surprised me with a plate of nachos, a small gift for my patience. I chuckled to myself, pondering what else I might have said while simultaneously growing frustrated again.
Eventually, I called my husband—not just to confirm my ride but to connect with someone who didn’t provoke my ire. Sometimes, confronting negativity makes you appreciate the positivity in your life, or whatever cliché fits the moment.
I often think of that man’s wife, hoping she’s doing well and still deserving of flowers.
This article was originally published on May 1, 2019.
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Summary:
Motherhood is often undervalued, and the hard work that goes into it is frequently dismissed. A personal encounter at an airport bar highlighted the misconceptions surrounding parenting and the importance of acknowledgment and respect for the challenges parents face. Conversations about parenting should celebrate shared experiences rather than belittle them.