Let me be clear: being a single mother is incredibly challenging. You often find yourself with little to no downtime, your children may not fully recognize your efforts, society can be unsympathetic, and you’re navigating everything on your own. Yet, there’s also a unique beauty in this journey. When you’re solely responsible, you’re in charge. With complete autonomy, you can make decisions without anyone else weighing in. Despite the days when I feel overwhelmed and just want to retreat, I cherish being a single mom because I have the freedom to live life on my terms.
I’ve been a single mother for most of my son’s life. While his father plays a role, he doesn’t engage in the day-to-day aspects of parenting. I’ve taken the reins on all significant decisions regarding our son’s upbringing. If his father ever chooses to step up, I would gladly welcome that involvement. But for now, I’m the one in control.
The Joys of Single Motherhood
One of the aspects I’ve loved most about being a single mom is breastfeeding. It was always important for me to nurse my son past his first birthday, and as long as he was interested, I had no intention of stopping just because of age. Even though his dad never openly criticized my choice, I did notice the occasional remark, like, “Aren’t you going to wean him?” My cheerful response was always, “Nope!” There was nothing he could do about it, especially since we didn’t live together.
Many of the joys of single motherhood may seem simple, but they matter. For instance, I have complete control over my son’s wardrobe. When his dad buys him clothes, it’s evident that he doesn’t consider what our son usually wears. He once purchased laced shoes for our four-year-old, despite knowing he can’t tie them. This left me to either tie them constantly or teach him how to do it, adding to my responsibilities. Consequently, those shoes now sit untouched in the closet.
I also ensure my son learns values that are important to me. Being queer, I want him to understand that not all relationships fit the traditional mold. By dating a woman and having that presence in his life, it normalizes diverse relationship dynamics in a way that is more tangible.
The Freedom to Be Spontaneous
Another wonderful aspect of being a single mom is the freedom to be spontaneous. If we’ve been homebound for a while, I can suddenly decide to take him on an adventure to Target, treat him to cupcakes, or have a fun late night at a friend’s place. There’s no one I need to check in with or seek permission from, allowing us to enjoy our time together without constraints.
Having control over my life is crucial for me. In previous relationships, I often compromised, but now, I only need to consider my son’s safety. It’s liberating not to have to consult anyone about decisions like dinner plans or grocery spending.
The Joy of Connection
One of the greatest joys of being a single mom comes when my son wraps his arms around me and expresses his love. Sure, he might still say it if his dad were more involved, but I won’t deny that it feels even more significant when I know I’m doing this on my own. It gives me a sense of pride and accomplishment.
Of course, there are tough days when I feel like I’m drowning under the weight of my responsibilities. While I appreciate the support from my son’s father, it often feels insufficient. I sometimes wish he would engage more in the finer details of parenting, even if only occasionally, to share in the mental load.
Finding Joy in Autonomy
Ultimately, I find joy in my role as a single mom, primarily because I get to make all the decisions. That autonomy is invaluable.
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In summary, while being a single mom comes with its challenges, the freedom, control, and joy it brings are unparalleled. The ability to navigate parenting on my own terms while instilling my values in my son is a fulfilling journey that I embrace wholeheartedly.