It often begins with a significant life change—a new addition to the family, for instance. My journey started after the arrival of my third child. At first, I chalked it up to the stress of managing three young kids. Yet, it didn’t take long before I found myself erupting at the slightest provocation.
Not just at major incidents, like my 4-year-old painting the living room wall, but also at trivial matters, such as my 2-year-old spilling the Duplos. The sound of those toys crashing to the floor was unbearable, sending shockwaves of frustration through me. Even innocent requests would trigger unexpected outbursts. When my little one would say, “Mama, I’m hungry,” I would retaliate from the couch, nursing the baby: “But you just ate! Can’t you get a banana yourself?”
Afterwards, guilt consumed me. I loved my children dearly and never wanted to hurt their feelings. Yet, the cycle of yelling kept repeating itself. Like many parents, I feared I had developed a serious anger issue. I believed I was a terrible person, and I felt utterly alone. Who treats their children this way, if not someone cruel? I had no idea that my anxiety disorder was manifesting as anger, just like it does for so many others.
I discovered the truth through my psychiatrist during a session about my postpartum anxiety. With tears streaming down my face, I admitted, “I feel awful for my kids. I can’t handle them anymore. They deserve so much better.” She replied gently, “It’s all part of the same anxiety disorder. Sometimes anxiety shows itself as stress, which can lead to anger. You aren’t really angry at your children; you’re scared. This is quite common.”
The relief was overwhelming. I was not alone or a terrible person; I was a normal mom grappling with a difficult situation. Like many of you who find yourselves lashing out without clear cause, I learned that my anger was rooted in fear, not fury.
Fast forward three years, and I still rely on anxiety medication, which has evolved from postpartum anxiety to generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). I hadn’t transformed into an angry person overnight; my anxiety was simply manifesting in unexpected ways. Perhaps I lashed out at the Duplos because I felt my household spiraling out of control, or maybe it was my son’s request for food while I was nursing that triggered my fears about meeting his needs.
I can recognize the signs now. The tension builds, and the panic rises alongside my frustration. Clutter, in particular, can send me into a tailspin. As fellow anxiety sufferers might understand, it’s terrifying to think that once things get out of hand, they may never return to normal.
Having lived in chaos before, I dread the possibility of it happening again. And, of course, children are experts at creating messes! Despite knowing this, we still feel that rage build within us—not because of their behavior, but because of our own fear and anxiety.
Consider those frantic mornings when you’re trying to leave the house. Your youngest has misplaced his shoes, and anger begins to bubble up. Then you step outside only to realize you’ve forgotten the car keys, forcing you to leave the kids behind while you search through the clutter. Frustration mounts, and when your little one struggles to get into his car seat, you snap: “Why can’t you just do this properly? You’re not a baby!” His quivering lip brings you to the brink of tears, as you realize your anger has nothing to do with him, and everything to do with your own overwhelm.
Living with an anxiety disorder that manifests as stress and anger means constantly battling your emotions. Each day requires immense effort to manage feelings, question the clutter, and dig deep to understand your true emotions. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you lose your cool and end up yelling at those you love the most. That is perhaps the most heartbreaking part of the entire experience.
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To read more about related topics, check out our post on this blog.
Summary:
The article explores the journey of a mother who initially believed she had developed an anger problem after the birth of her third child. Through therapy, she learned that her outbursts were manifestations of an anxiety disorder, revealing the connection between anxiety and anger. The piece emphasizes the importance of understanding one’s emotions and seeking help, as well as the common struggles faced by parents dealing with anxiety.