Dear Parents of High School Graduates,
This isn’t a checklist of tasks to complete before your child embarks on their college journey. There are plenty of those out there, and they often left me feeling anxious. Instead, I want to reassure you that everything will be alright. Trust me.
Just a year ago, I found myself in your position (and truthfully, I was often curled up on my couch). As my son’s senior year drew to a close, I was consumed by anxiety—the fear of change, worry about his independence, and the uncertainty of what lay ahead. I often felt overwhelmed at the thought of him leaving home.
The endless lists of things to do only heightened my anxiety. Had I done enough for him? Did he have the right experiences? Had I loved him too intensely? Was I too controlling, potentially raising a young man unprepared for life? My son had attended small private schools, so I was taken aback when he expressed a desire to attend Ohio State, one of the largest universities in the country.
I could recount countless worries, but let me share something important: during many sleepless nights leading up to his departure, I found myself lying in bed, paralyzed with fear, praying that my anxiety wouldn’t overshadow the beautiful moments that awaited us. I always tried to hide my tears from him, stepping out of the room whenever I felt the emotion rising.
Then, in the blink of an eye, it was the morning of his departure for college. My once-confident son was moving sluggishly, lying on the couch with the family dogs, silent and contemplative. I recognized that look all too well—it was the same dread I had been feeling.
Had I passed my fears onto him? I embraced him tightly, assuring him it would be a wonderful experience, and that I believed in his abilities. In that moment, I realized it was time for me to be strong. This wasn’t just about my feelings; it was about him. As we made that short drive, I decided to suppress my fears so he wouldn’t sense them. We ended up enjoying each moment together—from meeting his roommates and their families to watching his father and stepfather set up furniture.
When I finally saw him walk away, tears filled my eyes, but there was also a sense of hope. A new chapter had begun for both him and me.
He’s wrapping up his finals tonight and will be home for the summer. Here are a few insights I’ve gained this year about both him and myself:
- He is now an adult. I can no longer make decisions for him. He’s more independent than I ever imagined and manages his responsibilities without needing my reminders. Although it’s challenging, he must carve out his own path, even if it means learning through mistakes.
- Our relationship has evolved and grown stronger. I’ve changed how I communicate with him. Instead of asking, “Are you (insert concern here: partying, drinking, etc.)?” I now ask, “How often are you (insert concern)?” This shift in approach has been transformative. He responds honestly because I enter the conversation assuming he may already be engaged in those activities. Some of his answers surprised me, but I chose not to react negatively. I prefer knowing the truth, and if anything alarms me, I can discuss it in private at a later time. This openness has brought us closer and built his trust in me.
One thing I highly recommend (consider adding this to your to-do list!) is to write a letter. The night before I took him to college, I penned my thoughts and feelings, sharing things I had never expressed before. I tucked the letter into his belongings for him to find later. When he called to tell me he liked it (a high compliment from him), I felt a sense of relief for having written it. Don’t leave anything unspoken.
In conclusion, life has changed significantly. Different doesn’t mean negative. Some days are challenging, and I often reminisce about the past. However, the best days are those filled with honest conversations with my adult son, where I realize I did a remarkable job as a parent.
Warm regards,
Emily Carter
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Summary: This letter addresses the emotional journey of parents as they prepare for their high school seniors to transition to college. It emphasizes the importance of open communication, the evolution of the parent-child relationship, and the reassurance that everything will be okay.