I seldom get the chance to meet up with one of my closest friends, and it’s not due to distance—we live just five minutes apart. It’s more about the whirlwind of life. Her children are older, and their schedules differ from my younger kids. Our sporting events often clash, and with work, family obligations, and personal time, it becomes challenging to connect.
I aspire to improve our communication, yet I find solace in knowing that she understands my absences, just as I understand hers. I treasure the occasional texts we manage to send over a month or two. I don’t bemoan the infrequency; life is chaotic, and our silence doesn’t imply a lack of love. Thankfully, I have other friends who share this sentiment. I seek understanding and patience, not resentment or anger.
In the past, I had a friend who would post indirect, passive-aggressive remarks on social media about feeling excluded from gatherings. She excelled at “vaguebooking,” which usually left little to the imagination. After seeing photos I shared with mutual friends, she lamented about never being invited anywhere. Yet, her own posts showed outings I wasn’t included in. It seemed she only focused on her own feelings and standing within a group that didn’t require membership. Another former friend kept a tally of our interactions, constantly reminding me of who last reached out or extended invitations.
With so many wonderful people in my life, I don’t have the energy for relationships burdened with unrealistic expectations or high maintenance. I’ve parted ways with those women, not for lack of effort, but because I grew weary of trying to meet their standards. Instead of recognizing their role in our friendship dynamics, they opted to end things, often with dramatic flair, simply because I wasn’t fulfilling their expectations.
Initially, it hurt to be dismissed, but it ultimately highlighted the importance of having friends who don’t take things too personally. I may not always respond promptly, and I could express my affection more often. I don’t call as frequently as I intend, nor do I always arrange coffee dates with the people I care about. If these are flaws, then my close friends share them too. We are all human. I’m fortunate to be surrounded by individuals who trust my loyalty and understand that if I seem distant, it’s about my own circumstances, not a reflection of our friendship.
My friends intuitively check in on me without passing judgment. They offer compassion rather than holding back. While they may miss me, they recognize when it’s time to reach out instead of withdrawing. For this, I am incredibly grateful. True friends don’t keep score; when they notice silence, they inquire how to help. We all understand how hectic life can become—work, children, aging parents, relationship struggles, and mental health challenges can easily lead to withdrawal. Seek out those who are attuned to your needs, those who send you a meme or a quick message to remind you that you are cherished. Hold onto those who can sense your struggles through your silence and love you anyway.
Even if our conversations are reduced to a string of texts and emojis, we still feel connected. We don’t dwell on how we used to communicate; we find comfort in knowing that despite life’s interruptions, we can still share meaningful exchanges.
Thank you to the friends who hear me in my silence. I hear you too. My quietness doesn’t diminish my love for you.
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Summary: This article celebrates the friendships that endure despite life’s chaos and the silence that sometimes accompanies it. It highlights the value of understanding and the importance of having friends who don’t take absence personally. Good friends check in and support each other, even when communication is sparse.