Last year, my family gathered at a local buffet for our special tradition, where we indulged in mountains of lo mein and egg rolls. With my aunt and uncle in town, the excitement filled the air as we occupied about 20 chairs around a long table, relishing the buffet and pitchers of soda. The kids, particularly seven cousins, were bubbling with energy and trying to outshine one another.
For the adults, family get-togethers bring mixed feelings. We cherish seeing the kids enjoying each other’s company while catching up, but we also brace ourselves for potential chaos. Despite our best efforts to ensure good behavior — from stern warnings about devices being confiscated to threats of missing out on their favorite toys — we know that kids can sometimes lose their sense of decorum. After all, as they say, you only live once, right?
Before heading to the buffet, I had the “behavior talk” with my kids. I made all the right threats, my eyes probably bulging with seriousness, and I was convinced I had prepared them to behave. I was ready to enjoy my crab rangoons in peace, confident that all would be well.
But then, my youngest, swept up in the moment, decided it would be hilarious to dump a handful of noodles on his cousin’s head right under the buffet’s glaring lights. When asked to stop, he simply walked away without a hint of remorse.
Now, I know my son understands that dumping food on someone’s head is unacceptable, especially in public. I’ve disciplined him for lesser offenses many times. Yet, on that sunny Sunday, he chose to act mischievously, more interested in having fun and impressing his cousins than adhering to the rules.
I’m not here to excuse his behavior simply because he’s my child. This incident was just a snapshot of a moment where he made a poor choice — a choice that any kid might make at some point. Yes, he faced consequences.
It’s all too easy to blame parents for their children’s actions, but let’s remember that kids have their own minds. We can’t control them like puppets, even when we fantasize about it. Sometimes, kids act out unexpectedly, even contrary to what we’ve taught them.
We all have bad days, and so do children. They can be cranky for countless reasons: sugar highs, peer pressure, or feeling insecure. They might not know how to express what they’re feeling, and instead of assuming they’re raised by wild animals, we should remember that it’s just a fleeting moment. We often overlook the complete picture because we’re quick to judge.
We never know what a child has been through that day. They could be dealing with something traumatic, or they might have special needs that make social situations challenging. If kids listened to every word we said and acted accordingly, the world would be a different place — and rather boring, filled with robotic children.
It’s amusing how parents recognize this truth when it comes to their own children. They share their struggles with getting their kids to behave, yet when witnessing another child misbehave, it’s easy to assume the parents are at fault. “That child lacks discipline,” we might think, or “They need a good spanking.”
We all understand that kids can misbehave despite our best efforts, and we need to stop placing all the blame on parents. Instead, let’s extend some grace to both children and parents alike. We should focus our energy on keeping our own behavior in check rather than casting blame.
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In summary, let’s stop blaming parents for every misstep their children make. Kids are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings, and we should be more understanding of their actions.