“Deciding to become a parent is monumental. It’s choosing to let your heart walk around outside of your body.” — Ellen Cantarow
This quote hits hard on days like today when its raw truth feels almost unbearable. This morning, I watched my heart board the school bus, tears streaming down my son’s face as he struggled with anxiety and faced a tough start to the day. He pleaded with me not to send him to school … yet again. Each tear that fell from his deep brown eyes pierced my soul like a knife.
All I wanted was to abandon our responsibilities and hold him close until he felt better. However, I know that taking a mental health day every time he struggles isn’t practical. As a mom, I put on a brave face, hiding my own pain as I wrapped him in hugs and offered cheerful encouragement: he would see his friends, he had gym class today (his favorite), and he could talk to the counselor if he needed to.
“Your day will improve, I promise,” I whispered, forcing my voice to sound steady and supportive. I ushered him out the door and onto the waiting bus, where he wiped his tears with the back of his hand.
Once the bus was out of sight, I allowed my emotions to surface. I wasn’t crying because my morning was ruined; rather, I was mourning my son’s struggles. This is one of the harsh realities of parenthood that no one prepares you for: when your child suffers, you feel that pain as if it were your own.
No parenting guide can equip you for this. I anticipated the physical pain of childbirth; I never expected that the emotional toll of being a mother would be even more profound. When your child is in pain, you experience it intensely. It’s not a dull, muted sympathy; it’s as sharp and immediate as if you were the one hurting.
And along with the pain comes an overwhelming guilt: Did I do enough? Did I say the right thing? Have I taught my child enough resilience? The burden of helplessness looms large, knowing you can’t take their pain away. Their battles are theirs to face, yet you can’t help but bleed alongside them.
Our struggles often go unnoticed, our wounds hidden from view, as our kids remain unaware of how deeply we feel for them. They don’t realize that their classmates’ hurtful remarks cut us just as deeply or that the disappointment of losing a cherished item or an important game echoes painfully in our hearts.
My son doesn’t know that I spent the first twenty minutes of my workday in tears at my computer, wishing I could erase his troubles. My thoughts continuously drifted to him, hoping my silent support would somehow bring him comfort throughout his day.
To love someone so deeply is a beautiful experience, yet it comes with the realization that you can never worry solely about yourself again. Your children’s struggles become your own, and you silently carry their heartaches, determined not to make their burdens heavier.
I never anticipated how deeply their pain would impact me; this isn’t something you find in parenting books. Then again, perhaps it’s better that we remain unaware.
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Summary:
Navigating the emotional landscape of parenting brings unexpected challenges, especially when witnessing your child’s struggles. The profound connection between parent and child means that their pain often becomes your own. It’s a journey filled with love, guilt, and helplessness, and while no guidebook can prepare you for these experiences, embracing them is part of the beauty of motherhood.