When I was expecting my son, Ethan, 14 years ago, my then-partner and I signed up for a prenatal class to get ready for the big day. The course primarily focused on my experience and what I would encounter, consisting of a few three-hour sessions spaced out over weeks. Aside from his occasional interactions with babies in his family, my partner’s only substantial preparation came from that class and… me. I became the go-to expert on all things baby-related.
My nightstand was a mini-library of baby care books, ranging from the essential What to Expect to specialized guides on breastfeeding, attachment parenting, and gentle sleep-training techniques. I devoured them all while my partner carried on with his usual routine, barely glancing at the literature I was frantically trying to memorize. It wasn’t that he didn’t care; he believed I would share any necessary information when the time came. He thought I had everything under control, and honestly, I felt the same way.
Resentment only crept in a few weeks after our baby arrived. The dynamic we had established was a familiar one, often seen in many households: the mother as the gatekeeper of knowledge and the father in a supporting role.
In this setup, the mother assumes the role of the primary caregiver, while the father takes a backseat. This isn’t just an unequal partnership; it can lead to both parents feeling frustrated when their needs aren’t met. I quickly grew tired of being the sole decision-maker, the only one who knew where essentials were kept, and the only one who could soothe our baby. This wasn’t empowering; I longed for a true partner. But as the one who had read all the books, I found myself trapped in a cycle of control.
My partner, eager to assist, felt that deferring to me was the most sensible approach, trusting my ability to manage parenting challenges. This was a reasonable assumption, given that I had taken on the gatekeeper role. I often found myself critical and controlling, using my authority to make decisions. When I perceived he wasn’t doing enough or wasn’t doing things “correctly,” I would nitpick and express my frustration.
It didn’t matter that I knew I should let my partner find his own way; I couldn’t help it. I had put in the effort to read all the books, and on top of the exhaustion of new motherhood, I also had to be the teacher? I certainly wasn’t happy about it, and I took my frustrations out on him.
Both my partner and I could have benefited from a program that has recently gained traction among expectant parents: Bootcamp for Dads. This peer-led class offers soon-to-be fathers a crash course in baby care, addressing the emotional complexities surrounding masculinity and caregiving. It teaches practical skills from recognizing a baby’s different cries to mastering the perfect swaddle—often termed a father’s secret weapon.
Traditionally, prenatal classes have emphasized the mother’s experience, often relegating fathers to a secondary role. However, as more dads express a desire to engage equally in childcare, a class tailored to their unique needs is both necessary and welcome.
While many parenting tasks can be performed by either parent, the non-birthing partner must often establish a reliable support system. Even if the mother is the primary source of nourishment, the father can still step in to change diapers, fetch the baby, and bring comfort items like water and nursing pillows. This is what true co-parenting looks like, and Bootcamp for Dads can teach these vital lessons.
It’s important to note that this class isn’t exclusive to heterosexual relationships; while it’s called “Bootcamp for Dads,” the insights gained can benefit any parent feeling sidelined, regardless of their family structure.
The goal of the class is to elevate participants from a secondary role to a competent, equal partner in parenting. This not only alleviates the mental burden from the primary caregiver but also strengthens the bond between the other parent and the baby. A 2017 study highlighted that increased interaction between fathers and infants at four and 24 months positively correlates with improved cognitive development in the second year of life.
Although my partner has always been an involved father, I believe that participating in a Bootcamp for Dads would have mitigated some of those early tensions where I felt like the “gatekeeper” of baby knowledge, and he felt inadequate. We made it through and our kids are thriving, but perhaps a bit of bootcamp training could have made our transition smoother.
For more insights about pregnancy and parenting, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy from the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development. If you’re interested in exploring further, you might also want to look into at-home insemination options from credible sources like Make a Mom.
Summary
Daddy Bootcamp programs are emerging as a valuable resource for new fathers, aiming to reduce the mental load on mothers by encouraging equal participation in baby care. This innovative approach can help reshape the traditional parenting dynamic, allowing both partners to engage fully and effectively in their new roles, thereby strengthening family bonds.