Women often face an avalanche of terms aimed at those who voice their grievances. Complaining, nagging, and whining are just a few of the derogatory labels that are disproportionately applied to us. It’s disheartening that we find it surprising when these terms are applied to men, who are often allowed to share their feelings without judgment. In contrast, women are frequently dismissed as “difficult” or “complaining.”
For those of us who are external processors, the consequences of these labels can be especially tough. If you’re unfamiliar, external processors are individuals who articulate their feelings to navigate their thoughts. This approach has several implications, such as:
- I thrive in settings like talk therapy, which helps me sort through emotional challenges.
- I often verbalize my thoughts on the fly, which can lead to misinterpretation.
- My spontaneous expressions can be perceived as nagging when, in reality, I’m simply sharing my truth.
Over time, I’ve gained confidence in understanding what I need to feel at ease. I’m gradually becoming an authority on my own experiences. However, it remains a struggle when my attempts to process the world around me are misconstrued as mere dissatisfaction.
I’m not bitter, angry, or pessimistic – okay, maybe a tad of the last one – but I am an external processor. More often than not, I’m merely thinking aloud.
When sharing unfiltered thoughts, it’s natural to receive a mix of reactions. Yet, this is part of my method. I’ve developed a better sense of what to keep to myself, but it’s disheartening to see the world less willing to adapt to my style of communication. What many interpret as complaining is simply my way of expressing feelings.
I acknowledge that my comments may not always be cheerful. Juggling the responsibilities of motherhood, partnerships, and work can be overwhelming. With demands from my kids, pets, and colleagues increasing daily, I often feel drained. Of course, I have things to say that might come off as complaints. Have you seen the current state of our world?
After much reflection, I’ve concluded that my communication style isn’t the issue. There’s nothing wrong with articulating my feelings about the world around me. However, the problem lies in the societal messages directed at women and marginalized individuals regarding how much space we are allowed to occupy.
Expressing frustration signals that we are not eternally grateful for the limited opportunities presented to those of us who are “othered.”
My friends recognize this aspect of my personality. They understand that my unwillingness to accept mistreatment means I will advocate for others, even if I don’t always stand up for myself. Those who care about me know that my “complaints” serve a higher purpose. I aim to foster change and contribute positively to the world, encouraging reciprocity in kindness.
Labeling me as someone who “complains excessively” attempts to diminish my agency. I’m not voicing my feelings aimlessly. But even if I were, why should I have fewer rights to express myself?
As a Black woman, I face a barrage of negative stereotypes, one of which is “angry.” Any expression of dissatisfaction is weaponized against me to undermine my validity.
Ironically, despite being labeled as a complainer, I am a fundamentally joyful person. I possess a zest for life that is often overshadowed by criticism. My perspective weaves together both positive and negative threads, and I firmly believe that the world owes me the same respect I extend to others. This is non-negotiable.
If my openness about my highs and lows makes me a complainer, then I’ll wear that label with pride. In my life, being viewed as someone who complains signifies that I refuse to let others treat me poorly. I demand respect and will vocalize when something is amiss. I am often subjected to gaslighting, yet I refuse to abandon my principles or be a burden-bearer.
I can embrace both sides of my experience and disregard anyone who says otherwise. I intend to savor life, one constructive critique at a time.
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Summary:
Women face undue criticism for expressing their feelings, often being labeled as complainers or naggers. External processors, like myself, articulate thoughts to navigate emotions, yet this can be misinterpreted. Despite the struggles of motherhood and societal expectations, I advocate for respect and understanding, emphasizing the importance of having space to express both joy and frustration.