The experience of welcoming children into the world, particularly when they arrive prematurely and require a stay in the NICU, is often not discussed in depth. Many parents find themselves simply trying to get through each day, relying heavily on the support of loved ones. It’s essential to share these narratives to let others know they are not alone. This is my story as a dad, lovingly referred to as Abba, alongside my husband, whom I call Daddy, as we navigated our NICU journey with our twins.
Our children are now two years old, specifically almost 31 months. As we approached their first birthday, I began to reflect on that tumultuous first year of parenthood. I remember the emotional weight of each word as I put pen to paper, dedicating my thoughts to my husband. Without his partnership, I know that surviving that initial year with premature twins could have been a vastly different experience.
Like many parents, we faced our fair share of struggles, both together and apart. Writing this piece has been a challenging but necessary task, as the trauma associated with prematurity and the NICU has lingered. I’ve connected with others who have walked similar paths and want them to know they are not alone. To my steadfast partner, the love of my life, and the incredible Big Poppa: I love you always and forever.
It was just eight days before our twins’ first birthday when I found myself wondering how an entire year had flown by. Reflecting on that year, I was unprepared for the level of trauma we encountered during our NICU stay. It took a lot of tears, conversations, anxiety, and networking with other NICU parents to process everything we experienced.
During our time in the NICU, we documented our journey through nightly letters to our children, a practice that helped us cope. While eating dinner, we wrote these letters to convey our feelings, keeping a connection to our family back home and prioritizing our mental health.
Our family was built through gestational surrogacy, and we were matched with a wonderful family in Texas in the summer of 2015. After a year of bonding, we received the life-changing news on February 17th that our surrogate had gone into labor—two months ahead of schedule. Panic set in as we scrambled to make arrangements, and just as we were en route to the airport, we received news of an emergency C-section. I was devastated, realizing we would miss the birth of our children.
Despite my heartbreak, our surrogate’s husband FaceTimed us during the birth, allowing us to witness that incredible moment. Hours later, we finally arrived at the hospital and were taken to meet our babies. Seeing our son and daughter for the first time was miraculous, but the reality of the NICU quickly set in as we observed all the medical equipment surrounding them.
The doctor informed us that we would likely be in Texas until their due date in early April, a heavy realization that left us feeling gut-punched. We left the hospital late that night, but the next day began a relentless routine of visiting the NICU, which continued for nearly a month. Each day was a challenging cycle of hand-washing, sanitizing our phones, and spending long hours by our children’s sides, only to leave again without them.
During those weeks, we witnessed our children struggle with basic tasks like eating and breathing as their bodies continued to develop outside the womb. The experience of being away from family and friends was grueling, but eventually, the day came when we could finally take our twins home. That moment filled us with joy as we returned to our surrogate’s house as a complete family.
The month we spent in the NICU deepened our bond with our surrogate and her family, who welcomed us into their lives. They supported us through the emotional turmoil, and their kindness transformed them into extensions of our own family. The love they shared made what could have been an unbearable time much more manageable.
However, prematurity left its mark on our children. The journey of parenting has been filled with comparisons to full-term babies, and the struggle continues. We’re grateful for our pediatrician’s understanding of prematurity, which helped us navigate the challenges of our children’s development.
Despite the hurdles—reflux issues, frequent colds, and delays in motor skills—we’ve learned to cope, grow, and find strength in our experiences. While I wouldn’t wish this journey on anyone, I am thankful for the lessons it has taught us. Life experiences shape who we are, and we are proud of our journey.
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Summary
This narrative shares the profound experiences of a two-dad family as they navigate the challenges of having twins born prematurely and spending time in the NICU. It highlights the importance of sharing stories, the emotional journey of parenthood, and the supportive relationships formed during this challenging time. Through their experiences with gestational surrogacy, the couple reflects on the ups and downs of early parenthood, prematurity, and the strength found in love and community.