As a parent, I can say with certainty that if I didn’t take charge, my kids would be glued to screens all day long. They wouldn’t get dressed or engage with others; instead, they’d be transfixed by a bright tablet, half-dressed, munching on snacks, like they were in some sort of trance.
My oldest, Ryan, is particularly bad about this. Although he doesn’t have ADHD like his younger brother, he is practically addicted to video games and streaming videos, just like many other kids today. His incessant requests for more screen time have become a constant refrain in our household.
To manage this, we’ve turned screen time into a form of currency; he earns his hours by completing chores and homework. Yet, even with these clear guidelines, he still negotiates for extra time. When I ask him to pitch in around the house, his first question is always, “What’s in it for me in terms of screen time?”
Money doesn’t interest him; it’s all about the screens. And honestly, this worries me. What will his life look like when I’m not around to enforce boundaries?
While it seems like we’ve got a handle on things for now, a recent article by Nir Eyal, the author of Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life, made me reconsider our approach. Eyal suggests that in the near future, there will be two types of people: those who let others control their attention and those who can proudly call themselves “indistractable.”
To help our children grow up with this essential skill, they must learn to manage their own screen time. This challenge is one of the biggest hurdles parents face today, especially when it comes to screen distractions, not learning disabilities.
In my role at a university, I often see students who entered with impressive academic records fail to succeed because they’re addicted to gaming. I struggle to teach a class without repeatedly asking students to put their phones away.
Eyal shares several strategies for raising indistractable kids, emphasizing open conversations and allowing them to set their own rules regarding screen time. He argues that involving kids in these discussions fosters responsibility and prevents resentment. When parents impose limits without their child’s input, it often leads to sneaky behavior—something I’ve noticed with Ryan.
But if I let him set his own limits, would he choose none at all? Perhaps. Eyal believes there are two key points to discuss with children regarding screen time. First, make them aware that online entertainment companies aim to keep them engaged for profit. It’s crucial for kids to recognize that they can easily fall into an attention trap.
Second, be honest about the reality of their time. Talk about how many hours are in a day and how excessive screen time can detract from school performance, sports, and quality time with family and friends. Treating kids like adults and presenting them with all the facts helps them make informed decisions about their own limits.
Once you’ve had these discussions, dive into the specifics. Ask how they plan to hold themselves accountable. Are they going to use timers? At what point will parents intervene—when grades decline, or when they notice excessive online time?
Ultimately, it’s about equipping children with the skills to manage their time wisely—skills that will serve them well in adulthood, when they won’t have someone reminding them to disconnect.
After absorbing this perspective, I’m eager to put it into practice with Ryan. My partner and I plan to sit down with him this weekend to discuss all these factors and let him choose his own screen time limits based on his schedule. I’m hopeful this will be a significant step toward helping him become less distractible as he grows.
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Summary
Teaching children to be indistractable is a vital skill for modern parenting. By involving them in discussions about screen time and allowing them to set their own limits, parents can foster responsibility and self-awareness. Open conversations about the implications of excessive screen use will help kids make informed choices that promote a balanced lifestyle.