It’s hard to hear about celebrities going through marriage counseling without reflecting on my own experiences with relationship therapy. Just today, I asked my partner how he felt about attending marriage counseling. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I certainly didn’t anticipate his overwhelmingly negative reaction. Our journey through counseling has spanned topics from serious discussions like “I’m contemplating leaving” to everyday issues like “You need to assist me with the kids.” Though we both have individual challenges and face difficulties as a couple, we persist with therapy, despite his hesitance.
I bet many people resonate with his views on mental health counseling. It’s not just men who are reluctant; I’ve heard women express similar fears about addressing uncomfortable truths in therapy. They worry that confronting their issues might magnify them, fearing the classic “making a mountain out of a molehill” scenario. Yet, what they fail to recognize is that evading these problems can lead to deeper anxiety and resentment.
I wish more people felt at ease seeking marriage counseling. I genuinely believe that it has been a key factor in keeping my partner and me together. Throughout our relationship, counseling has provided us with the support needed to navigate various hurdles. While not every session has been stellar, our experiences highlight the importance of discussing the merits of therapy openly to combat the lingering stigma surrounding it.
Understanding the Stigma
Why does this negative perception of counseling persist? Where does this stigma come from, and how can we work to eliminate it to reap the benefits of counseling in all its forms? I can’t pinpoint exactly when mental health counseling became viewed negatively, but it seems to stem from a societal expectation that deviating from prescribed norms is a sign of weakness.
Personally, I’ve never regarded counseling as anything other than constructive. My background as a psychology major likely informs this perspective. In contrast, my partner has a different relationship with counseling. He believes some people fear being perceived as “weak” or “unstable” by their family, friends, or colleagues if they seek help. No one wants to be labeled in that way.
From an early age, many of us are conditioned to toughen up against life’s challenges, believing that we should handle everything alone. Counseling provides a space for those struggling to acknowledge that the world can be unfair—and it often is. It also equips individuals with the tools to regain control over their lives and embrace their true selves.
The Benefits of Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling offers similar tools for couples. It serves as a reminder that interpersonal relationships can be challenging and that it’s vital to put in the effort to improve them. Furthermore, it introduces an impartial perspective that can illuminate the dynamics of our relationship that we may overlook. It’s easy to become so entrenched in dysfunction that we start to adapt to it instead of working to eliminate it.
The stigma surrounding individual counseling often colors our views on marriage counseling. Seeking help can imply that our relationship—and we as individuals—aren’t strong enough to solve our problems alone. There’s a cultural narrative that suggests we should be able to tackle all our issues independently, an extension of the bootstrap myth. If we can’t pick ourselves up, we somehow deserve the consequences.
Conversations with my partner unveiled how deeply rooted individualism complicates our willingness to trust others with our struggles. He noted that we often believe we know ourselves better than someone who only spends an hour or two with us each week. While he has a point—counselors only see what we choose to share—an objective viewpoint can still be invaluable.
Finding the Right Fit
We know that marriage counseling can steer struggling relationships onto a healthier path. However, we’ve also experienced the fallout from working with a counselor who wasn’t a good fit. Building a therapeutic relationship is deeply personal, and it requires more than just credentials to ensure compatibility.
One way to destigmatize counseling is to prioritize the health of our relationships over our pride. It means challenging societal norms in favor of paths that truly serve our needs. While I don’t share my partner’s reservations about therapy, I understand why he, as a Black man, might feel that way. I want him to know I’m here to listen in a world that often doesn’t allow space for vulnerability.
I don’t particularly enjoy counseling, but I value the effort it demands from both of us to improve our relationship. My partner might not be fond of it either, but his commitment to growth is evident. Though we’ll never achieve perfection, counseling provides us with a chance to address the dysfunctions that can hinder our happiness.
Further Reading
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Summary
While I may not be fond of marriage counseling, I recognize its crucial role in fostering a healthier relationship. Despite the societal stigma surrounding counseling, I believe that seeking help is essential for overcoming personal and relational challenges. Both my partner and I are committed to putting in the work necessary for growth, understanding that perfection isn’t attainable but improvement is always possible.