Recently, my son, Jake, has been battling a nasty cold at home. At 16, he’s perfectly capable of heating up some soup and soothing his sore throat—especially since he’s been gaming all day. Yet, I still find myself making the soup for him. He may be tall and outweigh me by a good 50 pounds, but he knows I’ll insist on taking care of certain things. It’s not just about him; it’s also about me wanting to show my love.
Some mornings, I catch my kids scrambling to find snacks in the pantry, rushing to pack their lunches despite my reminders to do it the night before. I tell them to finish getting ready while I take care of their lunch. My three teenagers are certainly capable of managing their own lives. I’ve taught them essential skills like doing laundry, cleaning, and whipping up simple meals.
Still, when I spot their favorite hoodie left behind in the car, I can’t help but wash it, ensuring it’s ready for them the next day. Even when I’m in a hurry, I might prepare their favorite dish first. I might even brave their messy bathroom to tidy it up, which takes a bit of effort but brings me joy. The physical tasks of raising my teens have lessened, but I still feel the urge to care for them in small ways.
Raising independent children is a priority for me, and I want them to understand they aren’t here to be waited on. However, it’s bittersweet watching them grow more self-sufficient. I thought this stage would feel liberating, but instead, it’s a mix of nostalgia and longing for the days when they needed me more. Preparing a sandwich takes me back to afternoons filled with laughter and cartoons, where I would cut the bread into fun shapes and add chips to my youngest son’s peanut butter and jelly.
These little acts of service remind me of the love I have for them, even if they don’t require my help as much anymore. They may shy away from hugs and no longer ask for bedtime stories, but that doesn’t stop me from showing my affection. I’ve told them they can accept my help without hesitation, and I’ll continue to do small things for them because it brings me joy.
Though they might not want me to build forts or craft with them anymore, I try to fill that void with potato chip-stuffed sandwiches and neatly folded laundry. I often tell them, “If you want it, get it yourself,” to maintain a sense of responsibility. However, every now and then, I’ll do something for them that they could easily do on their own, and I won’t be stopping anytime soon.
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In summary, while my teens are capable of handling many tasks independently, I still find joy in doing things for them, both out of love and nostalgia. These small acts allow me to express my care, even as they grow more self-sufficient.