Before the days of social media influencers, I was navigating the world of Weight Watchers. I loved this program because it allowed me to enjoy treats without the guilt. I fancied myself a stealthy operative, hunting down satisfying snacks that fit within my daily points. But then, one fateful day, my sweet tooth led me to a rather explosive situation.
It was a bright, sunny summer Friday, and I had the luxury of leaving my Manhattan publishing job early. After being diligent with my diet all week, I decided to swing by the drugstore to scout for some Weight Watchers-friendly candy. That’s when I discovered a small bag of Sugar-Free Jelly Belly Sours. I flipped the bag over to check the calories—only 200 for the whole bag, which amounted to just a few points. Jackpot!
Once at the office, I dove into the bag of jelly beans (yes, it was only 9:30 a.m.—don’t judge me!). They were fantastic! However, after polishing off the entire bag, I glanced back at the nutrition info and noticed a small warning label that I had overlooked: “WARNING: CONSUMPTION MAY CAUSE STOMACH DISCOMFORT AND/OR LAXATIVE EFFECT. INDIVIDUAL TOLERANCE WILL VARY; WE SUGGEST STARTING WITH 8 BEANS OR LESS.”
Wait, what? Who eats just 8 jelly beans? I had devoured about 70, which was approximately 10 times the suggested amount. It hadn’t even crossed my mind to look for warnings on candy packaging, and honestly, they should have labeled it “ass missiles” instead, because it didn’t take long for me to realize that I was in for a rough ride. The sugar alcohol used instead of sugar can wreak havoc on your digestive system, and I was about to find out just how much.
As I glanced at the clock and realized I had a train to catch at 1:30 p.m., panic set in. I despise using the restroom at work, and the thought of an embarrassing situation in front of co-workers was almost unbearable. I couldn’t even consider making myself throw up the jelly beans; I enjoy food too much for that. I reassured myself that if I could handle Taco Bell’s infamous refried beans, surely I could survive some sugar-free jelly beans, right?
By 1 p.m., I still felt fine, and I left the office feeling optimistic. However, about halfway home on the train, my stomach began to rumble ominously. I tried to distract myself with music and deep breathing, but soon enough, it was clear that my digestive system was staging a revolt. As the train ride progressed, my stomach made sounds that could only be likened to an airplane toilet flushing.
Then came the urgency—CODE BROWN level emergency. I fought to maintain composure, clenching my cheeks as if my life depended on it. I could feel the pressure building; I had to hold on until I reached home.
My husband, waiting at the station, seemed to sense the gravity of the situation. We practically fled the scene in our Jeep. I made it inside the house just in time, and let me tell you, it was a close call. The relief was monumental, and I felt like I had just dodged a bullet. I took a moment to thank the heavens for my intact jeans.
Since that day, I’ve learned to pay attention to warning labels. I even tell friends undergoing procedures like colonoscopies to indulge in these jelly beans instead of the nasty prep drinks—they’ll definitely clean you out. For more on preparing for fertility treatments, you can visit this excellent resource on pregnancy and fertility options.
In summary, while sugar-free treats can be delightful, they may come with unexpected consequences. Always check the packaging before treating yourself!