Like many parents, I often foresee accidents moments before they occur. My son, Ethan, is zooming down the sidewalk on his bike, glancing up at the clouds instead of watching where he’s going. Meanwhile, my daughter, Lily, is precariously balancing on a chair, attempting to reach for something in the cabinet, but I notice one of the chair legs teetering in a crack in the floor. It’s a familiar scene: I can predict the mishaps before they unfold, and my children have come to believe I possess some kind of prophetic ability. Whenever I say, “Be careful, you’re about to…” they tend to stop in their tracks, taking my warnings seriously.
Yet, I sometimes question if I’m being overly protective. While I try to maintain a safe distance when they’re experimenting with new activities, it’s tough to restrain myself from intervening when I know something is about to go wrong. I worry that my constant interference might lead them to rely on my foresight instead of developing their own judgment.
Recently, I stumbled upon an intriguing idea on social media that made me reconsider my approach. It suggested that instead of either predicting disasters or remaining silent, parents could simply ask, “What’s your plan?” This method strikes a balance between alerting kids to potential dangers and empowering them to think critically about their choices.
Asking “What’s your plan?” encourages children to assess their situation independently. In the case of Lily climbing the chair, this question prompts her to evaluate its stability before proceeding. With Ethan, who often procrastinates on homework, I can ask him this same question instead of lecturing him about the potential consequences of his inaction. This approach puts him in the driver’s seat of his own responsibilities, inviting him to weigh the risks of turning in late assignments.
In an era dominated by helicopter parenting, the “What’s your plan?” strategy serves as a refreshing antidote to over-involvement. Admittedly, I might never stop myself from warning Ethan to steer clear of my coffee, given my past experiences with spills. But I can apply this questioning technique to various scenarios where I sense my kids might be veering off course.
The beauty of this method is that it opens up the dialogue, whether or not the child has a clear plan in mind. If they haven’t thought through their actions, it encourages them to do so. If they have a plan, it allows them to share their clever ideas, which I might not have considered.
Often, kids will surprise us. Just because their choices seem reckless doesn’t mean they haven’t contemplated the potential fallout. They might be fully aware of the risks and choose to take the chance anyway, deeming the experience worthwhile. Sometimes, as parents, we have to allow our children to learn through their mistakes, even when we believe we already know the outcome.
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In summary, adopting the “What’s your plan?” approach can empower children to take charge of their actions and decisions. It fosters independence and problem-solving skills while allowing parents to step back from constant intervention.