As a woman in my 40s who knows exactly what I want, I’ve become quite discerning in my search for a partner. I’m seeking love, but it has to be with someone truly exceptional—not just for me but also for my three children. Saying “no” has become a regular part of my life, whether it’s regarding a request for an intimate photo, unwanted texts, or even a kiss after a date. I’ve learned that it’s my right to decline, and I’ve grown confident in asserting my boundaries.
However, what continues to baffle me is the reaction I receive from men when I express a firm “no.” A few months ago, I received a message on Facebook from a man I had never met. He reached out to ask me for drinks, despite being married with three kids. Upon my reminder that he should focus on his family, he continued to pursue me, ignoring my clear boundaries.
In another instance, I was chatting with a charming guy on Bumble. After exchanging numbers, I was excited to see where it might lead. But after I described my ideal body type, he shockingly responded with a nude photo of himself. While I appreciate flirtation, I believe it’s important to establish a connection first. When I told him to stop, he dismissed my feelings, calling me uptight.
Then there was a first date with a nice man who kissed me, but I didn’t feel any spark. Despite my polite refusal for a second date, he insisted that I was just being shy and sent me multiple texts trying to convince me to reconsider. It felt as if he could not accept my rejection and thought I would change my mind if he persisted.
Last Christmas, after a month of dating someone I initially liked, I realized he was a gaslighting narcissist. When I ended things, he bombarded me with messages and even showed up at my house unannounced when my kids were home. Despite my numerous requests for him to leave, he didn’t respect my boundaries.
The troubling part is that these men are often educated, successful, and involved in their communities, yet they struggle to accept the word “no.” It’s a pattern I’ve seen repeated among many women, and it begs the question: will this ever change? I hope so. As a mother of two sons, I’m dedicated to ensuring they learn the importance of respecting boundaries from a young age. I want them to understand that “no” must be respected the very first time it’s said—not after multiple attempts or threats.
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In summary, it is vital that we acknowledge and respect the word “no.” By doing so, we can foster healthier relationships and set a standard for future generations.