Embracing my body has been a deliberate journey. For the first three decades of my life, I struggled with self-acceptance, often disliking the reflection I saw in the mirror. Society constantly echoed the message that thinness was the gold standard for women, and since I never fit that mold, I felt inadequate.
Interestingly, I have always championed the idea of living fully, no matter one’s size. I never let my figure dictate my choices in clothing or activities; I pursued what brought me joy. My weight never truly limited my life; rather, the true challenge lay in my mindset. Despite moments of confidence, I often made jokes about my size, apologized for the space I occupied, and mentally chastised myself for being plus-sized. I felt compelled to acknowledge any supposed health concerns, even when I was perfectly healthy.
While I didn’t isolate myself, I denied myself true happiness simply because I didn’t conform to societal standards of thinness. It was exasperating to feel only partially confident. I was content with who I was but deeply dissatisfied with my body. I felt a constant need to prove my worth to others, which was both confusing and uncomfortable. I despised that feeling.
Many well-meaning individuals suggested I change my body, which seemed like the logical path at first. However, the reality is that altering one’s body is a time-consuming and challenging process. I didn’t want to wait ages to find happiness. My self-hatred was draining; it was time to discover contentment, regardless of my weight.
I realized I needed to separate my self-worth from my size, rather than merely changing my size to feel worthy. I understood that the journey to self-love had to begin with accepting my body as it is. It wasn’t until I examined my habits and intentions closely that I recognized how much my self-loathing affected my parenting.
Two years ago, I committed to transforming my mindset. I began to see my body not as a disaster because of its size but as a vessel deserving of appreciation. I started consuming uplifting content and found healthcare professionals who considered my overall well-being without fixating on my weight. While I still monitor my health, the number on the scale no longer holds the significance it once did.
As I became aware of the toxicity of diet culture, I actively distanced myself from negative messages. I began supporting others in recognizing their worth and created spaces for plus-sized women to share their experiences and victories. Learning to love my body brought me a sense of community and belonging.
The more positivity I cultivated toward my body, the better I felt living in it. Every aspect of my life flourished—my marriage became more vibrant, my wardrobe became more enjoyable, and I received professional opportunities I wouldn’t have if I’d stayed trapped in a mindset of inadequacy. Most importantly, learning to love my body made me a better mother.
I had never realized how my self-hatred affected my parenting until I took a step back. My perception of my body’s imperfections led me to impose unrealistic standards on myself, striving for an immaculate home and perfect parenting. I feared that if my children saw any signs of my perceived failures, they would think less of me.
Seeing my children, with their average-sized bodies, brought a sense of relief. I worried they might inherit my struggles with body image. As long as they seemed healthy and fit the societal ideal, I hoped they wouldn’t endure the same battles I faced. I put immense pressure on myself to show that I was a competent parent despite my size, spending energy comparing myself to others.
The real issue wasn’t my body; it was my mindset. Everything shifted when I let go of the burden of self-loathing. Embracing my body forced me to accept imperfection in all aspects of life. If I could find beauty in my imperfect body, why not extend that acceptance to the rest of my existence?
As I shed negativity, my need for perfection faded. I no longer fear letting my children down. Parenting can feel like a daily challenge, and that’s okay now. I’ve learned to appreciate the small moments, like mismatched socks and lazy days. A tidy home is sufficient for me, even if it isn’t magazine-worthy.
I encourage my children to marvel at their bodies and recognize their capabilities. We discuss how incredible it is that their brains coordinate every action, from running to eating, fostering respect and wonder for every body type. They don’t hear me speak negatively about my own body, so they have no reason to assign worth based on size. They might encounter body shaming messages someday, but I have laid the groundwork for a healthy appreciation of all bodies.
Transforming my thoughts about my body has been challenging, and I continue to confront my perfectionist tendencies. Maintaining this love for my body is ongoing work, akin to nurturing a relationship; neglecting it would mean slipping back into old habits. My body is just one part of who I am, but it plays a significant role. Learning to love it was the first step towards embracing the beautiful chaos of this phase of my life. My body has nurtured, carried, and sustained my children; there’s nothing here to resent. It is just as miraculous as any thin body.
Ultimately, learning to love my body has been the most beneficial thing I’ve done for my children, a realization I never expected.
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Summary: Jessica Lane shares her journey of learning to love her body after years of self-doubt and societal pressure to conform to an ideal body type. Through this process, she not only embraced herself but also improved her parenting, shedding the burden of perfectionism and fostering a healthy self-image in her children. The transformation has positively impacted all areas of her life.