I’ve never been one to fully utilize the school’s parent portal; I only log in briefly once a month. I believe it’s essential for my children to take ownership of their education, just as I did when I was their age. I don’t think they need constant reminders from teachers or me. I prefer a less involved approach, allowing them to face the consequences of their actions.
Until last year, my children were managing just fine without my constant oversight. Sure, there were a few late assignments, but they usually scrambled to submit them, not enjoying the hit to their grades. My strategy appeared to be working—until it wasn’t.
Last year, when my son was a sophomore, I noticed a change in his attitude toward school and his work. Before long, I received an email informing me that he was failing history class just weeks before the semester ended. This wasn’t due to poor performance but rather a lack of submission altogether. He had half-finished assignments buried at the bottom of his backpack, and his teacher informed me it was too late to submit them. One assignment was even dated a month prior.
When I confronted him, he seemed indifferent, as if it were no big deal. His father and I decided to take away his phone and limit his social time as a punishment, hoping it would teach him a lesson. Unfortunately, he ended up failing the class and is now retaking it as a junior.
In light of his rocky performance last year, my ex-husband and I have become vigilant, checking that dreaded portal daily. School started last month, and just a few weeks ago, he was failing three classes. My frustration was palpable as I warned him that failing high school would not bode well for his future. He appeared unfazed, and I’m at a loss as to how to motivate him.
Academically, my son is bright. When he applies himself, he earns As. Currently, he has an A in chemistry but is floundering in math, history, and psychology. His lack of submitted work is baffling, and I can’t comprehend his apparent laziness. His teacher told me he’s submitted just one out of the seven assignments due this year and scored a mere 40 on his last test. One out of seven!
It seems as if he’s intentionally working towards failure, or perhaps he believes the rules don’t apply to him. He clearly doesn’t grasp the full weight of the consequences. So, I decided to take a firm stance, illustrating the potential fallout of not graduating high school.
At 16, he’s eager to obtain his driver’s license, find a job, and buy a car. I made it clear that while he is old enough for these privileges, they must be earned. The only way he can achieve this is by buckling down and catching up. He applied for his driver’s test, scheduled for next week, and I told him he must submit all late work by then. He also landed a job that he’s supposed to start soon, but I made it clear he’d have to turn it down if he can’t get his act together at school.
If he can’t manage his schoolwork, how can he possibly handle a job or driving? I refuse to allow him to work part-time during the school year unless he can maintain his academic responsibilities. I’m not asking for straight As; I simply want to see effort, responsibility, and the ability to meet deadlines—essential life skills he needs to learn.
Initially, he was furious and sulked for a day. However, when I picked him up from school last week, he mentioned he had spoken to his teachers and was working on getting his assignments done.
Still, I can’t shake my anxiety. I’ve lost sleep over this, feeling the tension build within me. While other parents boast about college visits and AP classes, all I want is for my son to graduate. I want to encourage him and convey that he is capable of success, yet I feel compelled to threaten to take privileges away to convey the seriousness of his situation. I hope this tough love approach works.
Like every challenge we face as parents, I can only do my best and hope it all falls into place. This is our biggest hurdle yet, impacting his entire future. I need to believe in him and his potential while also staying strong myself. Meanwhile, I’ll continue to do everything I can to support him, even if it means being the “mean mom” who enforces consequences like taking away his job and driving privileges. It just might be the push he needs to earn that diploma.
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Summary
The article discusses the anxiety of a parent whose son is struggling in school and the measures taken to motivate him. With the son failing multiple classes, the mother grapples with how to encourage responsibility and effort while navigating the challenges of parenting a teenager.