Before becoming a parent, I never grasped the challenges some children face during transitions. In my blissfully ignorant, childless mindset, I thought, “Kids can be slow, but just guide them through it or they’ll face the consequences.” Then I welcomed a child who struggles immensely with changes, and I found myself wishing I could confront my former self and explain how difficult it can be for a child to shift from one activity to another, especially when the timing doesn’t align with their comfort. The timeframe that suits them is rarely convenient for anyone else, and navigating this has been a journey for both of us.
My youngest daughter has always found transitions difficult. As a baby, she would cry when placed in her car seat, and as a toddler, she would exhibit anxiety whenever she saw her other parent prepare to leave for work. Even the simple act of getting dressed or undressed has been a source of distress for her. While I can tolerate change, she seems to perceive it as a personal affront. Now at age six, she continues to grapple with transitions. Whether it’s mealtime, school, or bedtime, she struggles to focus or becomes fixated on an activity just moments before it’s time to move on, leading to chaos when I try to prompt her.
I am acutely aware that her resistance stems from sensory issues and anxiety. It pains me to see her overwhelmed by a world that feels too noisy and chaotic for her to manage. I have sought advice from doctors, therapists, and countless articles on managing these challenges. I’ve tried timers, visual cues, and clear communication about expectations. Some strategies work occasionally, but more often than not, the process is fraught with emotional outbursts from both of us.
In the midst of the turmoil, I have two other children to attend to, who also require guidance during transitions—though not to the same extent. They are eight and six and can become quite unruly when it’s time to follow directions. I have my own commitments and deadlines to meet, so I often find myself lacking the patience to create a calm transition. Unfortunately, this can lead to explosive reactions where I yell, and she responds in kind, resulting in tears and frustration. I feel guilty for not being able to handle these moments more gracefully.
I’ve physically removed her from rooms to get her moving or taken projects from her hands while she protested. I wish I could be the calm negotiator during these transitions, yet sometimes I simply lack the energy to make the process easier. While I read about various strategies that claim to work wonders, I can’t help but feel exhausted and defeated. Perhaps I’m missing something, or maybe she just needs to navigate these challenges as she grows.
I often don’t have the luxury of time to work through every defiant moment with her. On particularly trying days, I feel overwhelmed and guilty for raising my voice. I find it difficult not to compare her to her siblings, and I resent that her needs sometimes detract from the attention I can give to them.
Despite these struggles, I make it a point to reconnect with her after tough moments. She knows I love her, and I recognize her efforts as well. This journey of parenting is filled with continuous attempts to be our best selves, even when it looks different during each transition.
To learn more about managing transitions and related topics, check out this article on our blog, and for more information on home insemination, visit Cleveland Clinic for valuable insights.
Summary:
Navigating transitions can be incredibly challenging for children, particularly those who experience anxiety and sensory issues. The process often leads to emotional turmoil for both the child and the parent. While various strategies can be attempted, success is not guaranteed, and many parents find themselves feeling overwhelmed and guilty. It’s crucial to reconnect with children after difficult moments and remember that parenting is a continuous journey of adaptation.