Let me begin by expressing my deep affection for my four sons. They fill my life with joy, laughter, and insights into the true meaning of unconditional love. However, there are days when my cat seems like a more appealing companion.
With two of my middle sons returning home due to mandatory college closures, I initially envisioned delightful moments together. The first week was filled with board games and bonfires, but soon it devolved into a comedic reality show that only a mother could appreciate.
Being the sole woman in a house dominated by four males presents its own set of challenges, and during quarantine, certain peculiarities have come to light.
A Fork in the Bathroom
What on Earth is a fork doing in my bathroom? I’m baffled. Who thought it was a good idea to leave a fork on the back of the toilet? As far as I know, bathrooms are not meant for dining. Yet, here we are, no plate in sight—just a solitary fork. Perhaps it was a makeshift steak skewer?
The Ice Maker’s Mysterious Ways
Crushed ice has limited uses—margaritas, daiquiris, and the occasional soda at a restaurant. But given that we haven’t dined out in weeks, why is it that every time I reach for cubed ice, I end up with crushed? There’s only one culprit: one of my sons, who has a penchant for crushed ice and routinely changes the settings on our refrigerator. I can only hope he’s not concocting cocktails for himself, as he’s still underage… at least, I hope they’re not for him.
The Kitchen: Open All Hours
In a house full of growing boys, I’m well-acquainted with the notion of a 24-hour kitchen. Despite my diligent efforts to prepare dinner each evening, they seem perpetually hungry, like a pack of insatiable ogres searching for their next meal. Just the other night, my youngest emerged from his lair at 1:30 am to whip up a plate of nachos, leaving a trail of crumbs and cheese in his wake. When I asked why he was snacking so late, his simple reply was, “Me hungry.” I see.
Adjusting to Boy Standard Time
I once believed that the only time adjustments we’d experience were related to Daylight Saving Time. Clearly, I was mistaken. In this household, we operate on BST—Boy Standard Time. Breakfast is now at 1 pm, lunch at 5 pm, dinner around 8 pm, and bedtime is a wild 3 am. Hence, those late-night snacks make sense.
The Spectacle of Mt. Dirty Dishes
Our home features a famous landmark known as “Mt. Dirty Dishes.” This impressive sight is visible at any hour. Legend has it that as soon as the kitchen is cleaned, a sudden influx of pots, pans, and plates emerges from cupboards, leading to a chaotic overflow of crusted bowls, glasses of spoiled milk, and peanut butter-stained knives. It’s a mysterious phenomenon—perhaps related to the previously mentioned boys’ habits.
The Trail of Clothes and Shoes
If I ever need to locate one of my boys, I simply follow the trail of discarded clothing. A shoe here, a shirt there, and a sweaty gym towel ahead serve as my guide. The Wicked Witch of the West occasionally swoops in on her broomstick, threatening to cut off their beloved WiFi. Thankfully, the Good Witch of the East reminds them that there’s no place like home—so they should clean up after themselves!
Always ‘In the Middle of a Game’
Perhaps one of the most exasperating phrases I hear is, “I’m in the middle of a game.” It seems to be the default response to every request I make: “Boys, it’s time for dinner.” “I’m in the middle of a game.” “Boys, I need help with the groceries.” “Be there in a sec; I’m in the middle of a game.” “Have you looked at your homework today?” “Not yet. I’m in the middle of a game.” Where is that Wicked Witch when I need her?
A New Language
Listening to my boys chat feels like deciphering a foreign language. Terms like Pepega, MonkaS, Poggers, and PogChamp float around, all stemming from a gaming platform called Twitch, where they spend countless hours. I could respond in my own ’80s slang, tossing in words like “gnarly” and “bodacious,” but they’d likely just roll their eyes and mutter, “OK, Boomer.”
I can’t be the only mother feeling a bit overwhelmed by her children right now. Yet, amid the chaos, there is kindness. In the mess, there’s forgiveness. In their unique language, there’s love. And when they ask me to go to the store because they claim there’s nothing to eat, I can’t help but smirk and respond, “Sure, boys, but right now, I’m in the middle of a game.”
Summary
The author humorously navigates the challenges of raising four boys during quarantine, highlighting the chaos, the mess, and the unique quirks of her household. From a mysterious fork in the bathroom to the constant battle against Mt. Dirty Dishes, she captures the essence of family life while finding joy amidst the chaos. Additionally, readers can explore more topics related to home insemination in our other blogs, including this one on Intracervical Insemination. For insights on male fertility, check out this resource. For those seeking guidance on pregnancy and home insemination, this blog offers excellent information.