Have you ever engaged in sports or maintained an exercise regimen? Perhaps you regularly attended boot camp sessions before work or jogged a few miles several times a week. Have you ever had to pause that routine for an extended period? This could have been due to an injury that required weeks of recovery, or more personally relatable, a lengthy break due to becoming a mother.
Regardless of the reason, returning to your previous level of fitness is often the hardest part—not just physically, but emotionally as well. Where you once ran a mile effortlessly, now you find it challenging to make it to the end of your street. The squats that once felt effortless now leave your legs trembling after just a couple. In my case, this struggle has been magnified during the pandemic.
As a creative mother to a spirited two-year-old, with a partner who frequently traveled for work, my daughter and I thrived on our adventures, exploring new places and engaging in creative projects. I had developed resilience in managing tantrums and cultivating patience, knowing I was often on my own.
However, the onset of the pandemic has dramatically altered my parenting landscape. As a freelance writer for various publications, I’ve watched my work vanish one by one—an adjustment that feels alien after being employed consistently since I was 16. My husband is now home every day, unemployed, and so is our daughter, as her daycare has closed indefinitely. We’ve lost our community, our playdates, and the playgrounds that once provided a necessary break.
The stress is undeniable. While I love my child, the reality of being a stay-at-home mom 24/7 is not one for which I was prepared. Even friends who cherish the role are feeling overwhelmed. I find myself grappling with impatience, fear, and protectiveness—emotions that are all too human.
What weighs heaviest, however, is the awareness of the mother I used to be. I remember the miles I could run and the ease with which I performed squats. Yet now, I struggle to make it through breakfast without feeling overwhelmed or anxious about the hours that stretch ahead until lunch and nap time.
Initially, during quarantine, I found ways to keep the spirits high. I organized a neighborhood scavenger hunt, creating a map for children to find fun items placed in yards. It was heartwarming to see families engaging in this activity. We painted pictures for family members and held spontaneous Easter egg hunts while I managed two jobs. I was thriving.
Fast forward to today, over a month later, and we are now two hours into a marathon of Daniel Tiger. It’s the best I can do while updating my résumé and figuring out our finances. A simple attempt to get my toddler to eat her beloved yogurt ended in a 12-minute meltdown, leading me to compromise and offer her Cheez-Its instead.
I am aware that this situation is temporary, yet I yearn for her to have healthier meals and more intellectually stimulating play. I wrestle with guilt, forgive myself, and then chastise myself again.
Yesterday, my husband shared an insightful post on social media that resonated deeply: “You’re only unproductive by the standards of the world we lived in two months ago.” This perspective is crucial, even if our current world feels like a pause button on normalcy. We are doing our best, even if it feels like a far cry from what we once achieved. Are you getting out of bed and moving forward? Is your child fed and laughing? Are you expressing love, in whatever form that takes?
Perhaps today you’re not whipping up homemade applesauce or engaging in elaborate sensory play. Maybe you’re unable to contribute financially, which is completely beyond your control (and it’s vital to forgive yourself for that). Or maybe it’s been a while since you dressed up for your partner. But even a single bicep curl with a can of beans is still a demonstration of strength. Giving your child a hug, playing catch in the yard, or offering them an apple today is still an accomplishment.
Don’t measure your worth by any other standards than those you can achieve today. You are still an incredible mother, and eventually, life will return to its rhythm.
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