Recently, I shared a photo on my blog’s social media of me engaging in a game of Humpty Dumpty with my five-year-old. I mentioned that I was taking a break between virtual meetings. Meanwhile, my partner, Sarah, was in another room assisting our ten-year-old, Lily, who had just experienced a meltdown over her math assignments. Amid the chaos, our youngest, Max, kept pestering Sarah to join him for a game, prompting me to step in and lend a hand. Earlier that same day, I was ensuring our thirteen-year-old, Evan, remained accountable for his studies while balancing my own workload.
The intention behind my post was to illustrate how we’ve adapted to our new reality, but I was taken aback by the responses. Many women commented about their partners working from home but not participating in their children’s education. One woman mentioned that her husband retreats to their bedroom and shuts the door, leaving her to manage homeschooling for their five kids while also working full time. It’s hard to comprehend how someone can choose to disengage like that.
I understand these are challenging times. My job at a university has faced significant financial losses due to the pandemic, and conversations about layoffs and budget cuts are ongoing. Like many, I’m anxious about job security and have been accepting additional responsibilities to stand out at work. However, that should not serve as an excuse for neglecting your role in homeschooling.
If both you and your partner are working from home, she’s feeling the same pressures. Gentlemen, there are ways to step up. It may require adjusting your hours, working in the evening, or starting early to be more present for your kids during the day. Consider making your workspace more flexible by setting up in the kitchen, responding to emails on your laptop while helping your child tackle math problems. Collaborating with your partner to map out schedules can also help identify when each of you is most available and when uninterrupted focus is essential.
I recognize that some jobs may require extended periods of concentration, but I would argue that such cases are uncommon, particularly now when employers are generally more accommodating.
In my household, Sarah and I have found a rhythm that works well. She typically engages our youngest two in the mornings when their workload is lighter, allowing her to focus on her job in the afternoon. I handle Evan, who is mostly self-sufficient but appreciates a little accountability. We’ve established a desk in his closet, where he can work independently. Each morning, we strategize his daily goals, setting timers to keep him on track. I also check in on him regularly to ensure he stays focused, especially during my Zoom meetings.
By lunchtime, all the kids are usually done with their studies and outside playing. The added benefit of collaborating with Sarah on homeschooling has strengthened my bond with my children, particularly Evan, and enhanced our partnership as co-parents. Although I’d prefer a return to the office and for the kids to be back in school, this experience has allowed us to discover our strengths and weaknesses as parents.
Life now feels like a blend of family, work, and education, where you never know which family member might interrupt your online meetings or require help with homework. Like everyone else, I’m striving to balance working from home while being actively involved in parenting. It’s challenging, but it’s entirely doable, which makes it all the more important not to leave the entire burden on your partner.
Fathers, I know this message is coming from a guy writing on a blog. You might feel defensive or as if you’re being criticized. That’s not my intention. Instead, I encourage you to sit down with your partner and openly discuss homeschooling. Don’t hide away in isolation. Look at the responsibilities at hand and determine how you can contribute effectively. It’s manageable, it won’t jeopardize your job, and it will be beneficial for your family and your relationship.
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In summary, don’t shy away from your responsibilities while working from home. Engage with your partner, plan together, and make the most of this unique situation for your family’s benefit.