Navigating a year filled with a pregnancy, a career transition, and my partner’s fight against cancer was an experience unlike any other.
Today marks my daughter’s fifth birthday, a significant milestone that has me reflecting on the journey we’ve taken. We have moved beyond the sleepless nights of the newborn phase, the relentless colicky cries that tested my patience, and the exhausting haze of those early days. We’ve also passed the monumental firsts of her first year—sitting, crawling, walking, and speaking. The toddler years were a whirlwind, especially with the arrival of our second daughter, as I learned to manage the demands of two young children.
The Journey to Conception
Looking back, the road to our first child’s conception was complicated. It was both an exceedingly planned endeavor and something completely unexpected. Life has a way of derailing our best intentions, often with little warning.
My partner, Alex, and I had been married for just over a year when he began experiencing a severe cough during a summer trip to the beautiful Okanagan in British Columbia in 2014. Initially, we chalked it up to smoke from the nearby forest fires, a common nuisance that year. However, as the trip concluded, the cough persisted, causing unease that neither of us could shake. After six years together, we were all too familiar with the specter of cancer. Alex had previously battled stage 4 Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma, so any sign of illness triggered deep concern.
Tragically, Alex was soon re-diagnosed with lymphoma, this time presenting as a large tumor in his chest. The treatment journey was daunting; he would require high doses of chemotherapy followed by a stem cell transplant. The silver lining was that the cancer hadn’t spread to his blood, allowing us to use his own cells for the transplant—a less risky option than relying on a donor. However, we were devastated to learn that the chemotherapy would leave him infertile, shattering our dreams of starting a family within the year.
Despite the circumstances, we felt fortunate to have the means to preserve Alex’s fertility. But it still felt like a cruel twist of fate. After much discussion and emotional upheaval, we decided to try conceiving naturally.
Optimizing Our Chances
Prior to Alex’s relapse, I had stopped taking birth control and had begun tracking my cycles meticulously. Having read the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Toni Weschler, I was prepared to optimize our chances of conception. Ironically, we attempted to conceive over Labor Day weekend, and it worked—against all expectations.
A few weeks later, I took a pregnancy test and was overwhelmed with shock and gratitude when it showed positive. I remember the moment clearly; I had never felt more thankful—an emotion I hadn’t often associated with my previous life. As we shared this news with family, the reality of my growing pregnancy set in amidst Alex’s fight for survival.
Balancing Life and Career
Both of us were teachers just starting our careers. Alex had accepted his first real position in music when he relapsed. In a twist of fate, I was offered his job due to seniority, despite my limited musical background. This marked my first teaching contract, and Alex was unable to assist me as he dealt with the intense effects of chemotherapy.
By November 2014, I felt like I was finally managing the delicate balance of my new role as a teacher, a caregiver, and a pregnant woman. As Alex prepared for his stem cell transplant, I was simultaneously navigating the demands of planning a Christmas concert for my students while battling anxiety and obsessive-compulsive tendencies. My fears of losing both Alex and our unborn child consumed my thoughts, leading to compulsive routines that I later recognized as manifestations of my anxiety.
I took a week off before the holiday break to be with Alex in Vancouver, where he was hospitalized. Unfortunately, I caught a cold, which barred me from visiting him due to the hospital’s strict health protocols. Luckily, Alex’s parents lived nearby, allowing me to stay with them while I recovered.
My visits to the hospital were filled with quietly shared moments in a small bed—one of us fighting for life and the other nurturing new life. When Alex was released on December 21, 2014, just in time for Christmas, we celebrated our last holiday as a couple without children surrounded by family.
A New Beginning
The new year brought anxiety as we awaited scan results to determine if Alex was cancer-free. On March 9, 2015, we received the best news—he was in remission. This victory came just weeks before I gave birth to our daughter.
Madeline Grace entered the world on May 17, 2015, her loud cries marking her arrival. She has proven to be a remarkable child, full of intelligence and tenacity. As she approaches kindergarten, I can’t help but marvel at the path we’ve traveled.
Reflecting on our journey, it’s difficult to imagine what life would have been like had we not conceived when we did. Although the timing was far from ideal, it was perfect in its own unique way. The little kicks and nudges from Madeline reminded me daily that she was our reason to fight. Life has a humorous way of reshaping our dreams, and I am forever grateful for the lessons learned.
Happy Birthday, Madeline
Happy birthday, dear Madeline. I eagerly anticipate the adventures that lie ahead.
Resources for Those Considering Home Insemination
For those considering home insemination, resources like WebMD can be incredibly helpful. Additionally, if you’re looking for fertility boosters, check out Make a Mom. And for more insights on this topic, visit our blog at Intracervical Insemination.
In summary, the past five years have been a testament to resilience in the face of adversity, blending challenges with the joys of parenthood.