In a recent episode of his show, comedian Alex Harper posed a provocative question: “New rule: Couples who’ve spent years feeling sorry for the single crowd, especially those of us without kids, have to answer this: How do you like me now?” Well, Alex, I can confidently say we aren’t exactly enamored with you.
“We” refers to those of us navigating the chaotic world of Pandemic Parenting, a relentless social experiment testing how much people can endure before officially losing their minds. When we envision your life, Alex, we picture you lounging, baking sourdough, binge-watching shows, engaging in Zoom yoga, painting accent walls, and reading books. We assume your most pressing issue is boredom.
Ah, boredom—a privilege of the childless, or “childfree,” as you prefer. You’re right; while we used to dismiss that distinction, we now understand it well. You enjoy a level of freedom that many of us can only dream of.
Just the other day, a friend from your ranks told me, “I’m so bored, I just took a one-hour hot shower.” Another mused, “Should I get Hulu? I’ve exhausted my Netflix options.” And yet another mentioned, “I’m thinking about writing a book. If not now, then when?” As I began to channel my pandemic anxiety into resentment towards your kind, a single friend texted me, “It’s just so lonely.”
Then they added, “Honestly, hanging out with a kid all day sounds kinda fun.” That’s when it hit me—once again—the age-old truth that the grass often appears greener on the other side.
In the early days of lockdown, I found myself reminiscing about my pre-child life. Here I was, stuck at home (something, as an introvert, I thought I’d excel at), unable to fully enjoy it because my two-year-old was adamant about monopolizing my attention. I couldn’t read, watch shows, bake, or even nap. The nerve!
But then, I recalled my single days. Every weekend, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me due to the lack of motivation to get out of bed. Those endless days stretched before me with no real plans, and the overwhelming options often left me paralyzed. I would venture to Trader Joe’s, chatting with the cashier, only to realize I hadn’t spoken aloud in 36 hours. Mondays were a relief, bringing a sense of purpose back into my life.
If I were single and “free” now, I imagine I’d feel a bit like Jack Nicholson in The Shining—definitely not a pretty sight. In my current life, with a toddler, a partner, and a full-time job, I am perpetually drained and on the brink of a breakdown, yet I’m also driven to get out of bed. My days are overflowing with purpose, perhaps too much so.
This pandemic has put everyone in extreme situations. Those of us with partners and/or children are experiencing family time around the clock, while those who are single and childfree are grappling with profound isolation, likely hitting their lifetime quota of alone time. What we all crave is balance. I yearn for solitude, while those isolated might long for the chaos of companionship—even a gaggle of toddlers would be enticing. This extreme situation fosters such longing in all of us.
Understanding this doesn’t mean I don’t roll my eyes at my single friends discussing their luxurious bubble baths. I still envy their freedom and feel annoyed when they say, “Call me when you’re free,” as if that’s a realistic option for me right now. Nevertheless, I strive to make those calls. Their desire for connection often clashes with my fatigue, but I do my best.
I would wager that even Alex Harper feels a touch of loneliness at this moment. Not enough to want to start a family, but perhaps he might consider adopting a litter of kittens. Now, there’s a thought.
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In summary, both single and partnered individuals are grappling with the challenges of extreme situations during this pandemic. Each side longs for what the other has, highlighting the universal desire for connection and balance amid chaos.