As a dedicated mother, I find myself adhering closely to the recommended safety measures during this unprecedented time. My children haven’t been outside in public spaces for over two months, and my own outings have been minimal. My partner, who must leave for work, has taken on the role of our primary shopper. His grocery trips are conducted with care: he disinfects the cart handle, uses hand sanitizer, and wears a layered homemade mask. To avoid touching his face, he even removes his glasses.
When we do opt for takeout, we select no-contact delivery and ensure we tip generously. After the meal arrives, I transfer the food to our own dishes, dispose of all packaging outdoors, and thoroughly sanitize the surface before we eat. Packages sit outside for 24 hours before I wipe them down to minimize risk.
Social interactions have been wholly eliminated. Family visits are limited to outdoor exchanges, where my dad and stepdad dropped off essential supplies. My children have communicated with their grandfathers through the window, and the emotional weight of that separation is hard to bear. We have refrained from visiting anyone, and my social life has been reduced to virtual meetings. I’ve even taken on the challenge of cutting my husband’s hair.
Despite my diligent precautions, I remain deeply anxious about contracting COVID-19. It’s important to clarify that my fear is not merely a manifestation of my anxiety disorder. While I manage my anxiety well, the unknowns surrounding this virus amplify my fears. The illness is new and unpredictable; we are still learning about its long-term effects. It can be severe, and the reality of who may suffer or even die is sobering.
I sincerely hope that if my family were to contract this virus, we would only experience mild symptoms and recover without complications. However, I can’t ignore the other, darker possibilities that haunt me. The thought of losing a loved one or facing my own mortality crosses my mind frequently. While certain groups, like the elderly and those with compromised immune systems, are at higher risk, no one is entirely safe. I do acknowledge that the statistics suggest we are more likely to survive, yet my nightly worries stem from the potential suffering of my family if I were to become severely ill.
The prospect of being isolated in an ICU for weeks is a source of great dread. My husband works in military response to COVID-19 and would still need to fulfill his duties even if I fell gravely ill. This raises the distressing question of who would care for my children during such a time. I can’t picture anyone stepping in to fill my role, as I am the primary caregiver, the one who knows the ins and outs of my children’s needs.
My four-year-old son has asthma and has a history of rapidly worsening conditions, so I worry that without my vigilance, he might miss critical signs of distress. My infant daughter relies on breastfeeding, and any serious illness could jeopardize our nursing relationship. Although she wouldn’t starve, the emotional toll would be heavy on both of us. My seven-year-old, who understands fear more deeply than his siblings, would be left in a state of worry, unable to process the sudden absence of his mother.
Then there’s my husband, a devoted partner, who would face this ordeal alone without me. I wish to shield him from such stress and heartache.
In light of the uncertainties surrounding COVID-19, I feel compelled to take every precaution available. Until there is a reliable treatment or vaccine, I prefer to remain home, even if it means missing out on interactions with loved ones. My children and I are enduring this isolation, holding on to the hope that our efforts will keep us safe.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the intense anxiety surrounding COVID-19, despite following all recommended health measures. The author discusses the fear of severe illness and its impact on her family, emphasizing the emotional burden of potential separation from her children and partner. The piece underscores the importance of continued caution and the hope for future medical advancements to alleviate fears.