As a mother navigating the complexities of parenting during a pandemic, I find myself frequently justifying the choices I make for my children. For instance, my kids often plead for a fast-food outing after therapy sessions. This “treat” is an every-other-Wednesday affair for my daughter, and her younger brother enjoys the benefits as well.
I often feel compelled to explain why I allow processed foods to cross their lips or why I toss out those plastic toys that serve mainly as midnight tripping hazards. I assure you, I have my reasons. I even clarify that it’s an “every other Wednesday” event to fend off any judgment that we indulge in this routinely.
Many mothers can relate to this struggle. Perhaps your guilt stems from allowing “too much” screen time or indulging your kids with sweets before breakfast.
“Sorry, kids. McDonald’s must be closed,” I found myself saying, not to shield them from the supposed perils of Happy Meals but rather out of fear—not just of the pandemic but also of the judgment that comes with parenting decisions.
Isolation shaming is the latest form of mom-shaming, and for those without children, this phenomenon may come as a surprise. Each decision we make during these times can cast us in both positive and negative lights. For example, opting for takeout might imply we’re supporting local businesses while simultaneously jeopardizing the health of restaurant workers.
I long to connect with friends, perhaps by taking a walk at a safe distance or sharing a drink in the yard. However, this simple act can lead to mixed reactions; some applaud such efforts, while others mock them as being irresponsible.
This scenario feels eerily familiar. We’ve seen it all before: the scrutiny around public breastfeeding versus formula feeding, or the judgment faced by mothers who choose to return to work. The notion that staying home with kids leads to misanthropic adults is pervasive, as is the belief that every parenting decision can be viewed in absolutes.
In this climate of fear, we often resort to judgment as a means of feeling in control. As a mother with anxiety, I know all too well how this constant battle with uncontrollable factors can leave one feeling like a shell of their former self. The collective grief we are experiencing amplifies these feelings, making it hard to maintain compassion.
We are all making decisions based on our unique circumstances. Whether it’s adhering to a strict schedule for our children or managing work-life balance, every family’s situation is different. It’s essential to recognize that what feels essential to one person may not hold the same weight for another.
While I’m not addressing those who recklessly disregard safety measures, I’m talking about the majority of us who are genuinely trying to do our best under stressful conditions. We risk losing our empathy when we fail to acknowledge the nuances of each family’s choices.
In an ideal world, we would have clear guidelines for navigating this crisis, but the reality is that best practices are ever-evolving. While staying home may seem like the safest option, we live in a society built on compromise and adaptability.
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In summary, as we grapple with the challenges of isolation and parenting, it’s crucial to foster an environment of compassion and understanding. Every family is navigating their own set of unique hurdles, and rather than casting judgment, we should extend kindness and support.